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"If we can’t stop the billions of grievances in the world, maybe we can target the one thing they all funnel into: the brain’s revenge craving."

James Kimmel, Jr.

Jul 10, 2025

EFR 884: Yale Psychiatrist Explains the Science of Revenge (From Addiction to Forgiveness) and How Revenge Sabotages Your Health with James Kimmel, Jr.

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This episode is brought to you by Fatty15, LMNT and Audible.

In this gripping and mind-opening conversation, Yale psychiatrist and author Dr. James Kimmel Jr. joins us to explore one of humanity's most primal urges—revenge. Drawing from neuroscience, psychology, and personal experience, Dr. Kimmel explains how revenge mimics addiction in the brain and why many of us unknowingly suffer from “revenge cravings.” He shares a deeply personal story of nearly acting on revenge as a teenager, the lessons he learned as a litigator-turned-researcher, and practical, science-backed ways to break the cycle. From mass shootings and bullying to road rage and “revenge bodies,” this episode dives deep into the psychology of retaliation, the illusion of justice, and how forgiveness may be the ultimate act of self-healing.

"Forgiveness shuts down the brain’s pain network, turns off the revenge craving, and reactivates your self-control." - James Kimmel, Jr.

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In this episode we discuss...

03:25 – What is revenge? Real-life examples and dangers 06:39 – Legal revenge: Lawyers as licensed avengers 11:30 – The definition of grievance and how it fuels revenge 16:00 – Mass shooters and "grievance collectors" 17:35 – Dr. Kimmel’s personal revenge story 25:02 – Masculinity, shame, and revenge 28:27 – Why revenge seems inevitable 30:15 – Why bullies see themselves as victims 33:38 – The monster isn't people—it's the craving for revenge 35:22 – Justice vs. punishment in addiction and revenge 37:54 – Can we solve revenge like an addiction? 40:45 – The neuroscience of revenge cravings 44:18 – Legal vs. illegal retaliation and the arrow of time 49:24 – Dr. Kimmel’s revenge addiction as a lawyer 53:06 – The pain of inflicting pain on others 56:04 – The Miracle Court mental role-play 58:45 – Neuroscience of forgiveness 01:00:05 – Justice vs. revenge: How language shapes violence 01:05:21 – Why revenge escalates: evolutionary roots 01:15:58 – Revenge body & revenge sex: healthy or harmful? 01:20:04 – Road rage and everyday revenge 01:21:26 – Hollywood’s revenge addiction: From Kill Bill to The Lion King 01:28:27 – GLP-1 drugs and reducing revenge cravings 01:32:43 – Forgiveness as the fastest cure 01:36:17 – Living Ever Forward: Forgiveness as freedom

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Episode resources:

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EFR 884: Yale Psychiatrist Explains the Science of Revenge (From Addiction to Forgiveness) and How Revenge Sabotages Your Health with James Kimmel, Jr.

This episode is brought to you by Fatty15, LMNT and Audible.

In this gripping and mind-opening conversation, Yale psychiatrist and author Dr. James Kimmel Jr. joins us to explore one of humanity's most primal urges—revenge. Drawing from neuroscience, psychology, and personal experience, Dr. Kimmel explains how revenge mimics addiction in the brain and why many of us unknowingly suffer from “revenge cravings.” He shares a deeply personal story of nearly acting on revenge as a teenager, the lessons he learned as a litigator-turned-researcher, and practical, science-backed ways to break the cycle. From mass shootings and bullying to road rage and “revenge bodies,” this episode dives deep into the psychology of retaliation, the illusion of justice, and how forgiveness may be the ultimate act of self-healing.

"Forgiveness shuts down the brain’s pain network, turns off the revenge craving, and reactivates your self-control." - James Kimmel, Jr.

-----

In this episode we discuss...

03:25 – What is revenge? Real-life examples and dangers 06:39 – Legal revenge: Lawyers as licensed avengers 11:30 – The definition of grievance and how it fuels revenge 16:00 – Mass shooters and "grievance collectors" 17:35 – Dr. Kimmel’s personal revenge story 25:02 – Masculinity, shame, and revenge 28:27 – Why revenge seems inevitable 30:15 – Why bullies see themselves as victims 33:38 – The monster isn't people—it's the craving for revenge 35:22 – Justice vs. punishment in addiction and revenge 37:54 – Can we solve revenge like an addiction? 40:45 – The neuroscience of revenge cravings 44:18 – Legal vs. illegal retaliation and the arrow of time 49:24 – Dr. Kimmel’s revenge addiction as a lawyer 53:06 – The pain of inflicting pain on others 56:04 – The Miracle Court mental role-play 58:45 – Neuroscience of forgiveness 01:00:05 – Justice vs. revenge: How language shapes violence 01:05:21 – Why revenge escalates: evolutionary roots 01:15:58 – Revenge body & revenge sex: healthy or harmful? 01:20:04 – Road rage and everyday revenge 01:21:26 – Hollywood’s revenge addiction: From Kill Bill to The Lion King 01:28:27 – GLP-1 drugs and reducing revenge cravings 01:32:43 – Forgiveness as the fastest cure 01:36:17 – Living Ever Forward: Forgiveness as freedom

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Episode resources: