EFR 883: Soul Awakening, Friendship Evolution & the Power of Self-Inquiry with Krista Williams

00:00 - Chase (Host) The following is an Operation Podcast production.

00:03 - Krista (Guest) Me waking up to the fact that I was working in a corporate job that I didn't like, I was in a relationship that I wasn't excited by, I was in friendships that I wasn't filled up by, I was living this life that everyone told me would be really good and beautiful and be something that would make me happy, but I wasn't. What actually feels true to me, what everyone says I'm going to love, or who I'm going to love to be, or who I'm going to love to be with, what do I actually want? We're always in transition. Each person that I ask, even if it's my Uber driver, my barista, you know, my best friend, my mom, like everybody, perceives themselves to always be in transition. It's a part of our human experience to be in transition. Our souls know that there's something greater for us and there's something bigger for us, and discomfort usually makes us move and it also causes us to question who am I? What am I doing here? What is meaningful to me? What are my values? What is my purpose? What is you know? The reason why I get up in the morning, really at the core of life, is answering those questions and not or sitting with them or ruminating with them, because I really do believe that people can live a life that they want and that they love and that they deserve.

01:11 I'm Krista Williams, host of Almost 30 podcast. Author of Almost 30, the book Welcome to Ever Forward Radio.

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02:42 This proximity provides. But even in that proximity we all don't get connected. And so then you add on the whole life event of going from your 20s into your 30s and, like you, step into your own more you figure out what you know your friend audit needs to look and feel like, and it becomes this whole other litmus test and the proximity almost doesn't even matter as much, does it.

03:05 - Krista (Guest) Especially with a global, I mean with the internet and stuff. Now it's like you don't even need proximity, which is such a beautiful thing.

03:10 - Chase (Host) I mean.

03:11 - Krista (Guest) I think it was great when I grew up and where I grew up, but I didn't have the inspiration Like I didn't know it was possible to be a podcast host. I didn't know it was possible to make money being myself. I didn't know it was possible to build a business Like my idea for my life. Like I never had a dream for what my life would be when I was younger. I didn't. Everyone was like what do you want to be? I never knew, I never thought, I never believed anything because I didn't see anything that I liked. So I was like I'm just going to figure it out. And so later in life.

03:43 But we're always in transition. Each person that I ask, even if it's my Uber driver, my barista, you know, my best friend, my mom, like everybody, perceives themselves to always be in transition. It's a part of our human experience to be in transition. I remember when I was younger seeing my parents and thinking that because they had a house and they had kids and jobs, that their life was over. Like I was, like they're done, they should wrap it up, like there's no more change that's happening for them. And then when they end up getting divorced, I was like whoa, they're going through so much change and transition and I saw them as people, and for many of us that experience change in our life.

04:19 I think some of the biggest period of change is your 20s. You know, during your 20s. During your 20s is usually the time when you're getting married or you're having your first baby. The average age of the first baby now is 28.5. The average age of marriage now is 29.5. People usually have a lot of college debt, so they're working with a lot of debt and financial situations. You're probably getting your first job. You might be buying your first home.

04:41 What else is happening from a brain science perspective is your prefrontal cortex is coming online, so the frontal lobe is responsible for your conscious processing.

04:50 It's responsible for the critical thinking. It's really helping you to create the life that you want, with the perception of you know, a, an idea of life that is more you than the programming you've been given. So, for me, what that looked like in my Saturn return, or my conscious awakening, was me waking up to the fact that I was working in a corporate job that I didn't like. I was in a relationship that I wasn't excited by. I was in friendships that I wasn't filled up by, I was living this life that everyone told me would be really good and beautiful and be something that would make me happy. But I wasn't. And when my prefrontal cortex gave me this ability to process and be like what actually feels true to me, this is what I'm living, this is the programming I've been given, this is what everyone says I'm going to love, or who I'm going to love to be, or who I'm going to love to be with, but what do I actually want?

05:42 So it's not only a brain thing, but it's also a soul thing, the soul also gives us this opportunity for that and I was able to really take a lot of risks and do a lot of things that everyone thought I was insane for at the time but really was just the first steps of my soul really coming online to lead my life.

05:58 - Chase (Host) I want to go back to what you said about not knowing what you wanted to do or who you wanted to be when you grew up. Yeah, that really hit me because I felt the same, and I always thought that meant I was lost or I like what's wrong? With me that by 16, 17, when you're a junior or senior in high school and you're trying to figure out what you want to do in college, where you're applying what you want to do, that you're supposed to have that identity kind of locked in, which is pretty asinine when you think about it.

06:28 - Krista (Guest) When people ask children what they want to be when they're a kid older, it like, actually like, makes me angry, cause I'm like what are you, what are they going to do? Account manager at a sales at. Salesforce You're like we're already capping them.

06:38 - Chase (Host) We're kind of we're asking them a question without their ability to see the expansiveness of possibility, because they've got think about another 10, 15 years to even get to a point to where you should be able to maybe wrap your head around this reality. And you know, for me, I think a big reason why I stepped into the military after high school is because that's what my dad did. He was in the army, my uncle was in the military, my grandfather. So I stepped into familiarity, I stepped into the world that was known and, of course, I had a great relationship with my father. So I was like, okay, cool, I like him, he likes this. Therefore I'll like that too.

07:12 Not, not the case. I didn't hate my time in the military, but you know, I did my six years, got it Well, I got medically discharged, but it's kind of like it wasn't meant for me, and so I think what I'm trying to say here is that is an okay question to ask yourself. More importantly, we need more people to ask and challenge that, because we need them to kind of come back. We need them to show all these other people, young people growing up, that it's okay to not have that figured out, and in fact, I would really encourage it.

07:43 - Krista (Guest) Because it is. You know. You said so because you felt like you had to have it figured out. You went into the military. That was what your dad did. You kind of look around at the world around you. You're like what is available and what is available to me? I went into finance management consulting because I just was like I need to get a corporate job, that's what my parents do, that's what I did and I did feel shame when I was younger because I didn't have any idea of what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. But when I think about that it's such a beautiful thing because the society and structure that we grew up in is just. I do Like I would have never been able to fathom it or think it was possible, but there probably was a part of me that you know knew that there was something possible. But I think a really big disservice that we do to kids and that we do to younger people is we don't help them understand their natural gifts, skills and abilities.

08:41 - Chase (Host) Yes.

08:41 - Krista (Guest) And I think that was something that I was going into the corporate world. I remember when I was applying for jobs they'd be like what are you good at? And I'm like reading the job description. I'm like I am good at Excel.

08:52 - Chase (Host) I'm proficient at work yes, literally.

08:55 - Krista (Guest) I is good employee. No, I would just repeat what they wanted me to be. I had no idea what I was good at, what my skills were, what I. No one, not no one told me anything. You know, no one. I had no idea.

09:08 And so if we're really given this deeper understanding of ourselves at a younger age, then we're able to step into the workforce or the world or life just really much more able to become who we came here to be. Because I realized in my entrepreneurship journey which is such a spiritual practice, such a spiritual act, so deep it's so challenging and rich at the same time who I was by, like the work that I did. And now that I know my gifts and I know my abilities, I'm able to make so much more money, I'm able to make so much more impact, I'm so much happier. And so I think, for anyone listening, you know a practice that I love to do to support people in understanding this.

09:45 A few things the first is to message. You know three to five people that you love. So this could be your mom, it could be your best friend, it could be your teacher, it could be your mentor, people that are going to not be shady, not be weird, you know, sometimes my mom would be like you're a good liar, you know, like something weird.

10:01 You know when that's going to be backhanded or weird. But asking people, where do you see me naturally excelling? What do you think I'm good at? What do you love about me? Like, what are the things that you see in me that you love, admire or respect, and how can I see that in myself? I also really love for people to use tools. You know I'm in the spirituality game, so, whether it's Myers-Briggs or whether it's you know astrology, whether it's human design, whether it's some sort of you know Enneagram or something, I think those can help you from a starting point. Get language around your gifts, get language around what you're good at, because most of the time it's not. It's the language that we need. We need to be able to, like, sell ourselves, to package ourselves, to understand it within ourselves and then within other people. But that's something I really implore people to do, because that's been a huge support in my life.

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12:35 So if you're looking for the good, the serum that I love, or just a better-for-you face wash, or a bar of soap in the shower, or something to shave with under eye cream, masks, shampoo, conditioner, you name it they got it. Go ahead and swap out everything in your bathroom for Caldera Lab Head to C-A-L-D-E-R-A-L-A-Bcom. Check out code EVERFORWARD for 20% off your entire first order. Do you think the transition from our 20s into our 30s, beyond you know? I'll say quote the obvious of maybe we're changing jobs, getting different jobs, maybe we're getting married, settling down, maybe we're moving beyond these kind of more obvious life events. What do you think is so unique about the 20s into the 30s transition that will either make or break relationships or even make or break this kind of bond to our own identity.

13:28 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, I think, because of the prefrontal cortex, you're really looking critically at the identities that you have in life and you're really examining. Okay, my dad said he wanted me to be in the military. My mom said she wanted me to be a doctor. I became a doctor and then you're like this doesn't fit. What is my new identity that I'm stepping into? Who do I want to be?

13:46 And in your twenties, it's you know, the twenties to thirties and even the 30 periods a very spiritual time too. You know. It's when Jesus started teaching in Kabbalah. They say that you know, from the age of zero to 30, you're building your vessel and then, after 30, you can use your vessel to channel the light of the creator. And so there's just this prefrontal cortex experience of you being able to process things differently and look at things differently. And there's also what in astrology they call Saturn return. So, whether you're woo-woo or not, you know there's a lot of community that believes that the planet Saturn, when it returns to the same point in the sky as where it was when you were born, brings this sort of cosmic rite of passage.

14:24 It is when we evaluate the decisions we made in our life. It's when there's a lot of breakdowns. There's a lot of breakthroughs. You might lose a job, you might, you know, get out of a relationship. You just start to question everything. And what can be really disorienting when we question everything is it can feel scary and it can feel unnerving. But what's beautiful about questioning everything is it really gives us this opportunity to really become who we want to be and become who we are. And I know for me, in my 20s, I was so unhappy, you know, I was so lost and I really wanted to find my purpose. Like purpose is what kept me up at night. I would be so anxious and so depressed because I knew I came here for a reason. I knew that I came here to do something big. I knew that I came here to serve in some way and that I wanted more for my life than the life I was living about. That is, it's like our souls know that there's something greater for us and there's something bigger for us.

15:28 - Chase (Host) And discomfort usually makes us move.

15:28 - Krista (Guest) It's an unfortunate fact about humans that we often need discomfort to make us move. So, whether that's depression, anxiety, stress, whatever, that discomfort causes us to move. And it also causes us to question who am I? What am I doing here? What is meaningful to me? What are my values? What is my purpose? What is the reason why I get up in the morning and I know I'm being very existential here but really, at the core of life is answering those questions and not or sitting with them or ruminating with them, because I really do believe that people can live a life that they want and that they love and that they deserve.

16:08 - Chase (Host) Do you think the struggle most people have in that kind of awakening or once they begin to question their place in life, their identity, their purpose, like you, is it more so a feeling of lack of preparedness for just asking these questions, or is it? I feel comfortable and confident asking these questions, but it's so much more the fear of I don't have the answer yet.

16:32 - Krista (Guest) I think, when I think for a lot of us we don't like to not have an answer, you know so often like if someone was to be like hey, what are you doing this weekend? And we're like, and we feel like I don't know, you feel like a weirdo, like I don't know. It's like well, what do you mean? You don't know what you're doing this weekend. Like, what do you like? You're like I don't know, like if we, when we say we don't know, if someone asks you, if you ask me a question, I was like I've got you know this thing coming. I'm going to be doing this thing. If I was to be like I don't know.

17:06 It's kind of a scary vulnerable place to be, but it's actually very empowering. But I think most people are scared to be in the unknown of what's next for them or what's their purpose. And for me, I think, in my search of purpose. You know it's funny because when you're searching for purpose in life and I think a lot of people want purpose they're like I want to find my purpose. It's so nebulous Like. It's so like, what do you mean?

17:27 - Chase (Host) Yeah, it's the most cosmic can of worms you could ever open.

17:32 - Krista (Guest) And so you are on the, you are down the rabbit hole, you are on the treadmill of that type of thing. But what I've found in feeling like I deeply live in purpose is just remembering that I was born for a purpose, on purpose, with purpose. So my existence is the purpose. I'm living in purpose right now, but when I find myself living in alignment with my values and finding a way to leave the world better than where you know I found it, I think that's when I feel the most on purpose.

17:58 - Chase (Host) Um to kind of wrap up this whole friendship 2.0 section here, uh, getting more into like the purpose and soul-driven stuff of your work. I found this quote for you that says quote seasons change and so do your friends. Expect things to shift, but trust that these shifts are ultimately for the better. How can we develop trust around a situation that is so fragile and personal to us, that is at first really so unfamiliar?

18:24 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, so developing the trust around something that's familiar. So I think that quote was really speaking to friendship, transitions and changes, which I think you've had. You know I've had as well Something I felt shame about for most of my life. Like I remember, when I moved to LA from New York I was like, oh, I feel like such a, I feel so shameful that I don't have like three best friends that I was friends with since I was five and we came and met at the lake house every year and it wasn't like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants or Sex and the City or Girls or any of those shows that we saw with friends that we're friends with for 20 years.

19:00 - Chase (Host) I think that's also just such a hardcore East Coast aspect. Oh my God, that's a good one.

19:03 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, yeah, I'm originally from Virginia, I think that's also just such a uh like hardcore East coast aspects. Yeah, I'm originally from.

19:07 - Chase (Host) Virginia moved here from DC before.

19:08 - Krista (Guest) Uh, I grew up in Rona.

19:10 - Chase (Host) Well, I grew up in Rona, virginia, then went to school and stuff in Richmond Virginia, lived there for a while.

19:14 - Krista (Guest) Okay, cool, Uh. And then.

19:15 - Chase (Host) DC for like four years. Okay, wow, yeah, yeah, very much so, but I hear the same thing from so many East coasters, of just like this kind of this expectation of just like the people around us and how we come up and where we go and what we do.

19:29 - Krista (Guest) East Coast, I think, because it's very much like the Ivy Leagues, like the rich kind of like type of world. It's very much about who you're connected to.

19:37 - Chase (Host) So much more interwoven? I think yes.

19:39 - Krista (Guest) Yes, where the West Coast, I think, is more individualistic, more like people don't care about that, they're more free, whatever. So, maybe that was that.

19:47 - Chase (Host) I feel you on that a lot. Yeah, you're not alone, for sure.

19:50 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, and so on. The self-trust piece, like how do we trust ourselves during the seasons? I think in life there had to be a moment where I just realized that I had to determine my success. I had to determine if I was happy in life not having a certain friend or having a certain relationship. So I even remember this moment where I was so deeply upset about a friend situation that I was just unwell, like I was just.

20:15 It was consuming my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings and, of course, that discomfort motivated me to move, and so I was like, okay, I don't want to feel this anymore. This feels so bad, it feels so silly, what can I do? And so in that day or in that moment, I had this meditation where I released all the relationships in my life and I just said to myself I love myself, even if Lindsay's not friends with me, even if this person leaves my life, even if this person like if all of it went away and every relationship left me and no one decided to be my friend, which would probably never happen, but still, I would still love myself. And I think for a lot of people we negotiate ourselves. For other people we negotiate what we want, our path, and so I've become so much more powerful and so much more clear when I stopped negotiating who I was for other people and when I let myself love myself exactly as I was, outside of the approval and the acceptance of every other person in my life.

21:09 - Chase (Host) I love that for you and I think what I'm hearing a lot I love that for you. I mean, I can relate to it because I've experienced something similar and I think anytime anyone can get to that point of releasing friendships, even like your diehard besties, you know, it's this really difficult, delicate whisper of an idea that just to entertain it introduces fear. It introduces well, why, what did I do? What did they do? Where are they? Why aren't we together? What are we doing? But if you can just like put that aside and go, what if I was without them? I think it one introduces a lot of responsibility onto you. Well, who am I without them? Why am I reliant? Why do I have so much of my identity and happiness and my soul's purpose wrapped up in them? I'm not knocking community. I would love to have my besties around me all the time, or even just a little bit more, but still it needs to come back to you. You have to be able to maintain that identity and happiness without anybody else.

22:07 - Krista (Guest) I see so many people limiting their power and their purpose and their success because of that, because of their perception of what other people are going to think, what other people are going to say, what their friends are going to say, what their friends are doing, what their partner wants them to do, what their parents. It's like if you are doing that you are never living up to your potential. You're never living up to your life. Like to live your own unique life and path, you have to blaze your own trail. You have to do what feels good and right for you, outside of whatever people want for you. I mean, if I did what my best friend from home wanted me to do, I'd be working at the same company as her, living in Ohio, having three babies living in a house. If I did what Lindsay, my best friend, wanted me to do, I would be living in Brooklyn with her and the babies.

22:53 Like, every single person has a different perception of what they want for you in your life based on what works for them, and we have to really detach from all of that to come to the truth of what we want for ourselves in our lives. And my hope and desires for anyone that's listening is to really just tune into, like what is your true hope and desire for yourself in your life, and even giving yourself the mental freedom to have these thoughts and these conversations I think is important because you were bringing up earlier the freedom thing like, or the fear. So often people will have thoughts of okay, maybe I don't, maybe I shouldn't be friends with this person, and then the second thought will be well, that would be bad and you would look like a bad friend and that's mean Great, cool, those can both be true, but what's the truth? The truth is that I'm okay with or without this relationship. Maybe the truth is this relationship's good for me and I wanna work through whatever this is. Maybe the truth is I do need to let it go.

23:44 I think one of the most important things people can do for themselves from a mental health perspective is to create a sense of freedom and liberation in their mind, and so what this means is that if I have any thought that comes in my mind, I allow it to just kind of be liberated and be free. So, as an example, if I did have a relationship that I'm questioning, previous me would be like oh my God, if she's not your friend, you're going to look like a bad friend, everyone's going to judge you. So I'm going to shut down that thought and I'm going to you know push that down.

24:12 Now I'm like, ooh, what's up with that thought, like what do you? Okay, what's that? Oh, you know, I felt uncomfortable with her. I don't need to, like, ditch this person immediately, but I can allow myself to have the freedom of every thought to play with and explore, and that sort of lack of censorship internally creates so much peace.

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29:08 This kind of example, this practice of intentionally questioning yourself and your relationships does not automatically make things true. We need to like, allow this grace in this gray area to just entertain these ideas, because without it, we're just going to stay the same. It reminds me this one of my favorite quotes Rumi I'm not who I think I am, I'm who I think you think I am. And so imagine just like doing that with all the meaningful relationships in your life. Imagine going who do I think Krista thinks I am? Who do I think the barista thinks I am? Who do I think my coach thinks I am? The three, four, five most important people, kind of like. Look at what is that Venn diagram and then see, how does that land on you? Do I even identify with that identity? Does it land?

29:52 - Krista (Guest) on me.

29:52 - Chase (Host) And also, if it does great, keep working and acting and living in that alignment. But if it doesn't like, here's your opportunity to question it and to change it so that you can be who you want to be in the presence of the people that matter most to you.

30:05 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, I think for me in my life, you know I, my parents, really struggled with their mental health. We had, you know, house was kind of crazy, and I think that created a situation for me where I sort of rejected the idea of like authority and parents. From a young age I was like I don't really care what you guys think of me, whatever.

30:25 - Chase (Host) But it was, you didn't see them as having their shit together.

30:28 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, just was like whatever, I don't care what you think about me. And it actually gave me this beautiful freedom now where I'm just like. I have so much more able to be like I don't care what people think of me because of that fact, because I didn't trust parents, because I didn't trust adults, so it's given me this like I, I just care so much less about what people think of me. Not that I'm saying that I don't. I mean I definitely do. But I think it's so interesting. So many people stop themselves from achieving their dreams because of what they think other people are going to think of them, not even what they think of them. They actually don't even know, truthfully, what someone thinks of, what they're going to do or who they are, and they will stop themselves because of the thought of someone else thinking about them.

31:10 - Chase (Host) Like that's so crazy.

31:11 - Krista (Guest) It is so crazy the sort of prison that we keep ourselves in and how limited we keep ourselves for all of these perceptions and ideas that aren't even real. I see it time and time again with women that I work with or coach, like so much of the prison that we create in our lives and the limits that we put on ourselves are truly just our mind and truly just ourselves.

31:27 - Chase (Host) Seneca. I'm a big stoic philosophy guy Heck yeah of course, we suffer far more in imagination than in reality.

31:34 - Krista (Guest) Oh, 100%, I mean and the more we can be truthful about that with ourselves and sort of pull back the reins a little bit in A Course in Miracles is what I love to study In it. It says an untrained mind can accomplish nothing and if we don't have agency, we don't have control of what's going on in our mind, the thoughts that are kind of looping in our mind, and the way that I've cultivated that is through meditation. I've meditated for 20 years now at this point, but it's like you have to find some point where, like someone's in charge, rather than the running rampant thoughts and these ideas and these beliefs and these perspectives, and until you have sort of a frame of okay, I'm able to see Krista, the self, like my soul, this, like more powerful aspect of me, the thoughts that are running in my mind, and decide what I'm going to entertain, decide what's true, decide what's not. You're just going to be run by something that actually isn't you and you're never going to really find peace. Honestly, and that was me for so long.

32:29 - Chase (Host) And I think and I be willing to bet you do too, because it's a big part of your work in the book the more close we can get to our soul and the connection to what it has in store for us and just the language that it speaks, we're going to be on the right path here, getting closer to this purpose and acting out of our true identity. So you are a soul. Define for us, please, soul in a way that you think even the most non-woo-woo person would appreciate.

32:58 - Krista (Guest) So I would say the soul is like the most infinite aspect of us. It's that most loving aspect of us. I would say, for someone that doesn't believe in the concept of a soul, it's always the soul is the witness. So whenever we're, even in conversation, there's always like a there's something here. There's something here that's making this happen. There's something here that's leading us through life. There's something here that's bigger and greater than just the human, and I think we all sort of have a little bit of that texture. In one of the books I love called uh divine, it's secrets of a divine love and studies the quran, and in it it talks about like the fact that we want more and seek more, for life is proof that there is something greater than we are yeah and it's true, we're always seeking.

33:37 We just, we just know from a cellular level there's more, like even the most person that doesn't agree.

33:43 So, whether I want them to believe in their soul or not, I want them to believe that there is something bigger and greater that is collaborating with them, that there is something bigger, them to believe that there is something bigger and greater that is collaborating with them, that there is something bigger than their body, that there is something magical and mystical that is working with them and through them.

33:55 And I think the belief in this, if we're thinking about it from a mental health perspective for me, has given me so much peace, even if it's not real, I'm like it's caused me to believe that there's more positively, more freely. I believe that there's a collaborator with me in life that's leading me to more success, more peace, more love, more joy, all of these things. So, whether it's for mental health or whether it's for the deep spiritual aspects of the belief of soul, we all know that there is something here. What do you, I guess, just to ask you as this, from a men's perspective because I think, coming from the female perspective, I'm so somatic and like spiritual how do you see soul. It is one of the bigger questions in life.

34:35 You know what I mean.

34:38 - Chase (Host) It's wild so much of. I think that word immediately gets met with nature and nurture. For me, at least what I mean by that is grew up in a small town, small town mentality by a lot of people, but I'm not knocking it.

34:53 I love that kind of just deep-rooted connected to people and community and earth but also for me it comes met with religion and growing up in the bible belt and growing up going to church every Sunday and going to a Christian school, and just met immediately with religion and growing up in a Christian household. Soul meant religion, soul meant divine, soul meant heaven and hell. And now I had my kind of spiritual awakening at 36. And I didn't know who the hell I was. I had no identity. True identity wasn't acting out of my true, authentic self until 36.

35:27 And I realized that my soul was speaking to me all along. It was intuition. It was this whole feeling of coming up in teenage years of Chase like this. You connect with it, but this is not your path, like the structure, the values, the ethics, the kind of just like being a decent human being, but this being the only way to connect to your soul and the only way to live and act in the community and the only way to like do anything in life, especially, you know, southern Baptist kind of mentality. I never really connected with it. I was just kind of going through the motions and I always felt shame around that. I was like why? Why is it not like hitting me? Why is the Holy Spirit not consuming?

36:10 - Krista (Guest) me.

36:12 - Chase (Host) Why am I not just feeling the presence of Jesus this whole time? And again, I'm not bashing anybody, or even my own family and upbringing, but I realized that my soul was there the entire time and I was ignoring it, I was shushing it. My intuition was there, just waiting for me to learn its language to your point, and so, if that answers your question.

36:32 - Krista (Guest) I was stunning. That was a stunningly beautiful, profound answer. You know, what's funny is I work with speakers and coaches and sometimes, like when someone says the most profound thing of all time, it's hard to land it.

36:41 - Chase (Host) Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of a sudden I'm like, oh shit, I'm still up here. What's going on?

36:45 - Krista (Guest) It's almost scary to be like and I knew my soul was always speaking to me and you like drop the mic, like it's like very powerful. Sometimes we just kind of keep like circling, but everything you said was so beautiful and I think that's the thing that's so I wouldn't say hard in my work, but confronting at times because I've moved out of belief that the soul is related to religion and God is outside of religion for me. You know the way I work with God and the soul is completely outside of religion. I grew up very Catholic. We were. You know I was very much conservative area of Ohio and so I understood the soul through church. I understood God through church and I almost had to take like a spiritual act of rebellion to reclaim it for myself.

37:30 And it was just like. So. I was in my early twenties and I was deep in the spiritual game, which meant I was like doing the crystals, the healers, the teachers, akashic records, like all the everything, spiritual materialism, consumption, cause I was. You know, that's part of our the podcast and it was fun, it was beautiful. I'm not saying that none of that stuff works there's so much of it but I remember in 2020, I started to work with this coach and we worked together for a few years and he started to really bring God in the room and I remember just being so angsty and so angry and I was like this is so lame, this is annoying and losers. And my inner teen was coming out and it was just like so against it.

38:13 - Chase (Host) It's that word. Right, it's that word.

38:16 - Krista (Guest) And for so many of us we have religious trauma. We've been told for many of us again, not everyone that God is here to punish us, that God does not love us unless we do these things, that we have to live up to this standard set and ideals that is almost impossible and that we have to find the love of the creator through these things and for beings that want to be deeply loved unconditionally. That hurts, and it hurts to sit in a space like the church. This is what felt like for me in the church really cold, really isolating, really disconnected. I had to tell some weirdo in a box that I had stolen my sister's clothes and then I had to go do Hail Mary's. Like it all wasn't making sense to me, you know, and for kids it doesn't, and so the rebellion part came in with questioning all of that.

39:04 Who says that I have to go through someone to get to God? Who says that God doesn't love me unconditionally? Who says that I have to follow these rules to be accepted and be sinless and go to heaven? Who is telling me that, whether it's religion and spirituality, or whether it's entrepreneurship, or whether it's health and wellness, you have to question everything, everything you've been taught everything that you believe, all of these things, because that's how you become who you are and that's how you sculpt agency and that's how you become a free person. And so I was acting with this programming, and once I liberated myself from the programming that I'd been told and developed my own relationship that feels unique to me and special and freeing, my whole life changed and I became someone that now believes so deeply in a deeper guidance outside of me than just myself.

39:48 - Chase (Host) It all comes down to language doesn't it?

39:51 - Krista (Guest) Don't get it started, we're going to start.

39:53 - Chase (Host) We're going there. We're going there, Get ready. Language, I think, allows us the space and understanding to finally meet at the same point when we're met with again nature and nurture.

40:08 - Krista (Guest) What I mean by that is, for me personally, I want to ask you that's mother and father to me, nature and mother, nature and father.

40:13 - Chase (Host) Absolutely. It took me until my 36th year of having the spiritual awakening, of understanding what spirit meant and how connected to it I was already.

40:23 I just needed to, you know, allow it in the same room as me, and then also that you know spirit is God, god is spirit, and so for me to understand just there's a different word for the same feeling that we're talking about with other people allowed me finally to hold space for people when they would say the G word, because I had such a disconnect to people saying God this, god that, and I immediately just shut them down and I was missing. I was missing so many points and opportunities and just relationships. But now when I hear that that wall is gone and I can just go oh soul, oh spirit, oh, you've tapped into your divine, exactly, yeah. And so talk to us about the importance of language around our soul connectedness, because another quote from you I think from the book here is your soul speaks no other language than the one you need to hear. So what language does your soul speak and how have you learned to not only hear it but to truly understand it?

41:19 - Krista (Guest) I think you mentioned before when we were speaking that your soul was speaking to you the whole time.

41:23 - Chase (Host) Yes.

41:23 - Krista (Guest) And that you were shushing it. And so the soul is always there in our life. It's our collaborator, it's the one that's like go left when you know we, and then we don't go left and we get in a car accident. You know it's. It's those tiny moments and I pray for each and every. Each and every one of us is speaking to us differently and uniquely. Yours could be through nature so many people, they have this deep spiritual connection to nature through a tree, through an animal, through a plant. It could be through your child, through the child's eyes, or through art or creativity or music.

41:58 For me, my soul speaks through people. I think, growing up in the church too, I was like okay, god, the way that God speaks to me is he is an old man and I'm going to hear an old man's voice and he's going to say hey, krista, this is what you know. I had this totally warped idea and now I know that God speaks to me through people. Like I'll just, I'm very open, I talk to anybody, I'm a conversationalist, everybody's going to have a conversation with me, but so when I'm talking to someone like a stranger, you know, the other day I was on a flight and I'm sitting next to this man, I'm working on my computer and he's this older man and he's in the middle seat. I'm on the left seat and he looks over at my computer and he just goes. You know, everything you touch turns to gold, doesn't it? And I was just like. That is not a normal thing for a person, Just like out of the blue.

42:44 - Chase (Host) that's his conversation Out of the blue.

42:46 - Krista (Guest) he just points. He's like everything you touch turns to gold, and it's because I'm available, because I'm receptive, because I'm open and also because I have the belief that God is going to speak to me through people. So that's how my soul signature works is through people, again, you could get messages through you know, being in nature, through writing, through art, like your soul finds the way to get through to you, whatever that is. And so the more open and the more curious we could be about when we've heard messages, the better. Um, and I just have to bring this in the room that, as far as it relates to language, you know, with spirit, soul, universe. Um, one of my favorite books is the Hermetica. It's by the three initiates and in it it talks about, it uses the word atom for god, atom, atom, because god is such a charged word and this book is very adam like it's called a tom, but it's, they say a

43:37 tom, but they it's called a tom but it relates and correlates to, like an atom. And even in, you know, the Koran there's like hundreds of names for God. You know, in the Bible there's tons of names for God, there's tons of names for Christ, and it is because these words can carry so much weight and have so much language, and so there is a truth to like that electric feeling of a word bringing up something for you which I think is so fascinating. And I think when I again last thing about the spiritual rebellion, I just wanted to like kind of own that like electricity and just be like God and just like kind of like, bring a little bit of that zhuzh.

44:11 - Chase (Host) Huh, you know, speaking of electricity, you talk about how your soul is your most quote electric collaborator. What do you mean by that and what does that look like, feel like in everyday life?

44:23 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, I think for the soul being your most electric collaborator, what you're going to create in your life that is soul led is going to be the thing that is going to be the most fulfilling, nourishing, exciting and expansive. You know, I was in the corporate world for so long. I thought my success was climbing the corporate ladder Again. I was in finance management, consulting, just doing that whole bag. And I'll never forget when I met Lindsay, my best friend and co-host. We were at rock bottom, we were approaching 30 and we were scared and terrified and we found so much peace and comfort in our soul connection and our friendship. And one day we were at Bulletproof Coffee and I was skipping my breakfast post-soul cycle, waiting till 1 pm to eat my intermittent fasted meal. I was having my butter laden latte with like 400 grams of, you know, 400 grams of caffeine. I was tweaking. So it was probably the tweaking of the Bulletproof latte that led me to say this.

45:18 That shit's gnarly Yo it was so, gnarly Bro, it messed me up. I was like, hey, you know, would you ever start a podcast? I had loved them. This was back in 2015. At this time I was at Love Podcast. She's like, yeah, sure, and the journey of Almost 30 was the most soulful experience. I had no intention for an outcome. I had no intention to make it a business. I had no intention that it would be a deeper relationship with their soul or start a collaboration. I think first just opening up the possibility and even just saying, like I'm open and available for a soul collaboration, I'm open and available for an experience that feels connected and deep, like all you have to do all these crazy things, just truly setting the intention to be available and allowing yourself to receive whatever it is the guidance that you need the best.

46:10 - Chase (Host) Okay, to kind of piggyback off of that. Is it enough to just acknowledge our soul and to sit in the presence and kind of? You know, maybe lack of a better term here wait for these downloads or this intuitive guidance.

46:23 - Krista (Guest) That's a good one.

46:24 - Chase (Host) How do we actually integrate with it, or rather, how can we open up so it can integrate with?

46:29 - Krista (Guest) us. That's a good one, Because I think what that speaks to that I think is such a great question to think about is like what is just receiving the downloads and not taking action, and what is like the taking action and where you receive the information. So I do believe that silence and quiet gives us so much information that most of us are afraid to listen to or hear. You know, when my anxiety was just ruining my life and running my life, I could not sit with my thoughts for a minute. I was just like the loop is here. This is so miserable. Being in my own mind was so painful.

47:04 - Chase (Host) Even being such a long time meditator.

47:06 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, it was, meditation was what saved me.

47:08 - Chase (Host) Okay, oh, this was kind of like the introduction, yeah.

47:11 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, thank God. I mean I was, I didn't want to live, it was so bad, and so thank God for meditation to help me create space between my thoughts. But when we can find the peace to have the downloads, that's a really beautiful place. But I do believe that the intuition works in action. You know, finding a curiosity like oh, that's interesting, that feels good, like that kind of brings me energy. You can connect with your body, you can see what is exciting to you, you can see what you would do even if you weren't paid, you can see what lights you up, you can see what feels, you know, exciting for you and you. And oftentimes God's going to show you one step. He's not going to show you the staircase. And so just taking the one step towards your curiosity not only will lead you to more joy and happiness and satisfaction in life in general, but it also will lead you deeper to that soul calling.

47:54 - Chase (Host) I found personally. The different forms of stillness allow different versions of my soul to speak to me and to therefore help me kind of understand a different next step.

48:06 - Krista (Guest) Please tell me more.

48:06 - Chase (Host) What I mean by that is have you read the book Stillness is Key?

48:10 - Krista (Guest) No.

48:10 - Chase (Host) Ryan Holiday.

48:11 - Krista (Guest) Oh no.

48:12 - Chase (Host) Get it, everybody, get this book. Walking stillness, meditation, stillness, reading, stillness, sitting stillness, sitting in darkness, sitting in light, finding all these different ways to be in stillness. Sitting stillness, sitting in darkness, sitting in light, finding all these different ways to be in stillness can look radically different for every every person. It's just a matter of how far, how willing, how uncomfortable are we willing to get to get detached from the monkey mind, our devices, other people and to plug into source. Plug into source in your home environment.

48:43 If your favorite coffee shop, taking a walk, different forms of stillness introduced different ways for me to connect with soul, have you experienced something similar? What is maybe your go-to place for stillness to better be a conduit?

48:57 - Krista (Guest) Wow, I'm just really enjoying that fact in that statement about stillness. That's just profound to think about. I think one of my favorites is walking. I read this book. I need to remember the name but basically in the book it walked through all the greatest teachers, poets, authors you know minds of our time and how they walked.

49:15 - Chase (Host) Yeah, they just would walk.

49:17 - Krista (Guest) So, basically, your body is able to move forward, so you're moving forward and your body is able to process things ever forward. You're moving ever forward, you're processing things in real time. So it's like providing this opportunity for your body and mind to be in motion, but you just still be in like stillness and quiet. So I love walking. I did a darkness retreat and that was probably the most profound stillness that I've ever been in Um is this like a one day, three day, five day? Five day.

49:44 - Chase (Host) Wow, you went all the way.

49:45 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, so it was in. It was in Ashland, oregon. It's called um sky cave retreats and I had heard of someone doing a darkness retreat on a podcast. And you know, I told God I was like. You know, if you want me to do that, I will. And the next day the founder emailed me shut up.

50:01 - Chase (Host) I swear to God no way.

50:03 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, Damn, but it's funny because it's like it wasn't like. I was like God. If you want me to go to, Fiji on a five-star vacation.

50:11 - Chase (Host) I will. Tony Robbins emailed me the next day. He's going to my island.

50:23 - Krista (Guest) Literally. I got a check in the mail. Baby, god's like you want to sit in a cave for five days in pitch black silence. You know, five days or four nights. Five days, five days, four nights. Honestly, time doesn't exist when you're in that point. But being in that type of stillness and darkness was the craziest experience of my life. I've done so many different things that have pushed my limits. That craziest experience in my life I've done so many different things that have pushed my limits. That was like the most psychologically intense thing of all time.

50:53 But what it taught me was I met myself in a way that I've never met myself before, like the intimacy that I created with myself and the spaciousness that I created with myself, because you can't see your hands in front of your face like this, like you would it was the pitches so like this, so technically it's like my body didn't exist. Oh wow, you're so disoriented You're. You know, because of the circadian rhythm being so off, you have a overproduction of melatonin, so you're almost having like a trippy experience. You know, you're releasing certain types of hormones that are just really kind of creating this opportunity for you to connect deeply.

51:25 - Chase (Host) And what only happened in that environment.

51:27 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, only happened in pitch black, like that, and and also there's no wifi. It's middle of nowhere. I'm not interacting with anyone.

51:34 I'm not talking to anyone, like it's just the most eating in the darkness, drinking in the darkness, Like yeah, so they basically each day, at one time a day, they would bring food to you and they'd put food on one side of a door and then close the door, and you could open the door and stay in pitch blackness on the other side, and so he would check in once a day. He would like just make sure you hadn't like off.

51:57 Yeah, like you hadn't gone insane and he would check in on you and be like, hey, you know like what's going on. And you would. I was. I told him at the beginning. I was like I am absolutely going to be completely honest with you about this process. I'm not like it would be actually psychotic if I was trying to perform for this man. That was like on the other side of the wall. So I was like I'm going to go all in and say whatever I'm feeling, no-transcript.

52:49 And so I remember the first day. I'm like bored as shit. I'm like, oh my God, oh, what am I going to do? I'm stretching, I'm foam rolling I don't know if I'm foam rolling, I'm stretching. I'm like meditating. I'm taking a bath. There was a bath. So I took hot, cold baths like the whole time. And I remember getting tired and I'm like perfect, I made it through the first day like great work. And I got into bed and I was about to fall asleep and I'm like, oh, yes, I did it, like this was amazing. And he knocks on the door with the food and I'm like this effort. And I was like yo, scott, you need to come earlier. It's bedtime. You just woke me up. I was about to fall asleep, like I made it through the day, like I crushed and he's like it's 3 pm. No, and the anxiety that I felt next. I have not felt anxiety like that in years. I was like I'm a trapped prisoner.

53:38 - Chase (Host) I am never getting out. This is solitary confinement.

53:40 - Krista (Guest) Solitary confinement. This is solitary confinement, solitary confinement. I'm going insane. I was undone and I had to process it with him. I had to process it with myself. I had to. Really, I mean, there's nothing that invites you to be with yourself more than being in darkness. And I was like, oh my God, I really, really, really, really, really, really struggled that first day and then I sort of got into my rhythm and had in my acceptance of it.

54:05 - Chase (Host) But it my acceptance of it. But it was, it was, it was, it was interesting. Look, I'm all for a lot of different things in the biohacking and wellness and spiritual world, but certain things do not speak to me. Look, I love darkness for like sleep and all the things, but you know, five days solitary confinement, basically, maybe not yet at least. But like.

54:20 - Krista (Guest) I'll live vicariously through you, oh no you don't need to live vicariously through me. It's like I just am Um, I just love to see like what's possible with life and I love to, I love to push myself in, whatever that is, and that was it, and I wouldn't do it again. I mean it has a great benefit for people. It's funny because I did it with two of my friends, aaron Alexander and I was going to say I saw Aaron post something about this.

54:41 - Chase (Host) Yeah, it was at the same place. Yeah, okay, we did it together.

54:44 - Krista (Guest) And then Hannah Eden and it was so funny because we came out and I was processing grief during a lot of my time. So I came out. I was like yo, I had been wrecked. I was bawling the whole time. I was like just unwell. Hannah's like that was amazing, I would stay longer. Aaron Alexander's like this was my routine get up 50 push-ups of course 30 burpees.

55:02 - Chase (Host) He probably bought his own resistance bands in there.

55:04 - Krista (Guest) No, his was like a workout camp and he's like then I would do a comedy set for an hour, like he would like do stand-up to himself, like he would play the drums Like he had a whole, like we were just doing our own thing in different ways.

55:16 - Chase (Host) I fully believe that for him it was likeeing my pants, laughing. He said that at one point he had brought um a flute just to play music, so you can bring in stuff to like instruments. Yeah, occupy your time. Yeah, just like totally left so you can bring like workout stuff and like like instruments.

55:32 - Krista (Guest) So he bought a flute and he's like I was playing the flute and there was a point where I started to play too good and I got a little scared. He was like it got creepy, I know because you're like it felt like you're like summoning. I remember last night.

55:44 - Chase (Host) Yeah, you're like channeling somebody.

55:46 - Krista (Guest) The last night. So it was fine for the five nights and then you come out of the darkness and you integrate there and then you stay for another night and leave that. Last night something weird happened and like the energy shifted in that room and I was like this is scary now. It was weird. It was weird the first day that I woke up in the morning. I'll never forget. It was pitch black. It was my first day and I looked over at the dark and I swear to you, the darkness was looking back at me and I was like hello, and it was like what are we going to do?

56:14 - Chase (Host) I've had that usually after a few grams of psilocybin.

56:16 - Krista (Guest) No, for real. It felt like that Damn.

56:29 - Chase (Host) Felt like that drugs. This sounds like the next season of yellow jackets, I know. Have you talked about your spiritual awakening, by the way, and like explain that, yes, okay, good, yes, I actually. Yeah, I did. Um, I don't do a lot of solo episodes on the show, but I did do a couple.

56:33 - Krista (Guest) When that happened, was it plant medicine?

56:34 - Chase (Host) or I went through ketamine assisted psychotherapy and that really cracked me open for ptsd and connection to the soul and that was I first kind of got into like D mental health work 2020, 2021, kind of like at my wits end with a lot of stuff, and then got into ketamine assisted psychotherapy, then psilocybin, MDMA and yeah, I've definitely I've done, I think, two or three solo episodes about that and yeah, it's just like it's wild to say out loud, I didn't know who I was or no.

57:06 - Krista (Guest) I totally know.

57:07 - Chase (Host) I knew who I was, but I did not allow that version of myself to be fully expressed all the time, no matter where I was or who I was with, until I was 36 years old.

57:19 - Krista (Guest) That makes me emotional, that's just so it's me goosebumps it's just like so, and and you know I'm in this moment in time I'm the fullest expression of me that's possible, and I can't wait to see that continue to express and evolve and grow and and I hope that for so many people, because so many people just hide and like, keep themselves from their fullest expression. I work with women to be more fully expressed because there's so many ways, but I mean men just have another, have another layer of that that.

57:44 I feel like is just oh, there's more than one.

57:47 - Chase (Host) There's more than one. Trust me.

57:48 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, yeah it's. It's just heartbreaking and I love I actually I work with men. I only very rarely I work with men, but they're working with men is the best, because you tell men to do something, they'll do it. Women will be like oh, I don't like make stories, They'll fucking do something. Love women, it's my work. But like we'll make excuses for everything, Men will always do it. But I have found that men just have such a tighter grip on themselves and, yeah, it's really hard to see.

58:16 - Chase (Host) It was the grip. There was a lot of other work that had to come before and after that, but it was the grip on my identity and the grip on my life and the grip on the version of myself that I thought I had to keep allowing to show up, that I had to come to terms with, and by letting go of that grip, it allowed everything to happen and every, every form of any version of happiness in my life that I thought I wanted, or maybe even didn't deserve to like, actually come into play.

58:44 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, because it's like you have to be this person to receive love or to be this thing, what was the old version of you?

58:50 - Chase (Host) It was. This is right, this is wrong, this is up, this is down. Living out of just pure discipline because it's what I was always told to do, or told what was right. Again, a lot of that was nature and nurture. A lot of that was just growing up in a very small conservative household, christian school, and then, of course, the military. You know, I was just used to only ever getting orders and following orders without question. And then a lot of military people don't realize this, but when you transition out, that is still very present in your life. You were just acting because someone told you or you think this is what you're supposed to do without questioning.

59:27 And I struggled with questioning. I was like it's wrong of me to question. It's wrong of me to question what I want for my life, because who am I? I'm not in charge. No wait, I actually fucking am in charge. And like, of course there's a delicate balance to that. I can't just run rampant on society, but I first and foremost am in charge of my life and when I allow that authority to be present, all the other right choices fell into place. It's like again go back to intuition and for me personally, acting out of integrity. We always know what to do and I could let go of all these other ways of being and acting and just allow me to just be me.

01:00:06 - Krista (Guest) It's so beautiful that you you bring this online because, um, yeah, I just you know I my work again is mostly with women, but I just want so badly for men to feel the texture of a deep connection to something greater and a love of something greater and, you know, when we all can loosen the grip on who we think we should be and really allow ourselves to be. It's such a beautiful thing and I feel like men are so worthy and deserving of softness and tenderness and love for themselves, love for others and, yeah, I, I just deeply appreciate it and I'm grateful that men are open and available to speaking about this now, because I felt like it was so female forward for a long time.

01:00:44 - Chase (Host) Sure, sure, yeah, and it's a whole nother world to tap into for a guy of tapping into the feminine energy and allowing yourself to not know what to do or to not have you know your marching order, so to speak. Not have the answers to your point earlier of just going.

01:00:59 - Krista (Guest) I don't know. Yeah, I don't know yeah.

01:01:02 - Chase (Host) As a guy, I didn't realize how difficult that was for me to vocalize or even to sit with, because, as a provider, as a small business owner, as a father as a son, as a brother, like that's met immediately with again the language and preconceived notions of this is the answer I'm supposed to have. But learning to sit with that back to the stillness part. Like every answer just came to me, every answer, and now here I am, pushing 40.

01:01:30 - Krista (Guest) It's been a three, four year journey of like building it.

01:01:32 - Chase (Host) But you know it makes sense. You know if I was acting in a way to be this version for somebody else and of somebody else for 36 years, just because you have this awakening or this epiphany this moment, it doesn't guarantee you the answers, or every step after that. Yeah, four years in the making, now I'm much more in tune with this and I still feel like I'm building, but like it happens a lot more fast more fast.

01:01:55 - Krista (Guest) Were you married then, before this awakening?

01:01:57 - Chase (Host) Yes, wow, yeah, was I married before the awakening? Yeah, yes, yeah, we were. Were had been married for like two or three years at that point.

01:02:07 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, that must have shifted the dynamic it did.

01:02:09 - Chase (Host) But here's the cool thing about my wife she's amazing she is amazing.

01:02:12 Thank you, um. Yeah, last time we saw each other she was pregnant. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, so what's really cool about her is that she had all of this, and this is I'll probably get emotional about this but the capacity.

01:02:28 Once I had my own awakening not only did I realize my own capacity, my, my authority and permission to to be who I wanted to be, it gave me this completely different perspective of the capacity that she had for me, that she was holding for me. She was just waiting for me to get there. And it's so true to her, because she's Iranian, american and she goes by May, her middle name, but her first name is Mastanet, and in Persian Farsi, that means spiritually intoxicated, and to know May is to know that she is spiritually intoxicated. And so once I kind of crossed the threshold, so to speak, it was, she was just like. She didn't say this, but she was like I've been waiting, I've been waiting and it allowed me to see her in a different light and allowed me to allowed me to see her, see me in a different light, and it just it made everything so much easier, isn't it just so much easier?

01:03:24 - Krista (Guest) It's and I'm so what an honor for her to allow you to. I just that makes me emotional to think about. To allow her. She allowed you to have your process.

01:03:28 - Chase (Host) Yeah, she, she waited, she held space, that is so honoring.

01:03:31 - Krista (Guest) You know, like in my friendships and my relationships. Like I went through a divorce and I think so many women in my of my best friends like honored my process of seeing the patterns I was seeing. I was, we were stuck in a really toxic pattern and seeing the patterns I was seeing, but allowing me to move through it on my own and it's such a beautiful thing like an act of love for someone in your life to be like. I see the best for you but I'm not going to force it. I'm just going to hold the vision. I'm going to love you as you are. I'm going to love you in this version and your exalted version and I'm going to trust that you're going to be in your process. Like trusting someone in their soul's process is just the biggest gift.

01:04:09 - Chase (Host) I feel like she, she definitely knew something that I didn't, because I think I can kind of see, maybe, where your question was going. Imagine, imagine having a partner, imagine being married to someone. You have this version of yourself and of themselves and you're in this, this union, and then all of a sudden the spiritual awakening, just this other identity, comes on board. It can totally change that dynamic. But again, she must have known something that I didn't to go like. I believe, and I see that in you and know this is going to happen for you so much, and even if it doesn't, I'm willing to just be here with you without it, kind of thing so that could wreck marriages that could wreck any relationship and that's true Love, you know, is loving someone.

01:04:48 - Krista (Guest) I think a lot of people get into relationships with the idea to change someone you know they're like.

01:04:52 - Chase (Host) Oh yeah.

01:04:53 - Krista (Guest) But it's a challenge though, too, because you're like am I dating potential? You know like, am I like, kind of like the balance. You have to really accept someone as they are, and I'll never forget at the end of my, my marriage you know we were I was doing my own work on things and I was like wanting him to do his own work. I was wanting him to do his own work, therapy or coaches, whatever and I know everybody. That's why I got the Rolodex of the century just being in the community I am and doing the work that I do, and I was like, okay, have all the people like doing all these things? And it was like a few weeks and he wasn't doing any of it. And I just remember being like oh yeah, that's because that's not naturally him. He doesn't want to do that, he's not interested in that.

01:05:31 And the person that I was loving was someone that I was trying to make be more like me and be more on the same path and be interested in growth and all of these things, and that's just not him. And so I wasn't even loving him as he was by trying to make him who I wanted him to be and the more that I could allow him to just be who he was, the better our relationship was, even as friends, or even, in past, the romantic part, and so I just think it's such an honor that your wife had that for you, and what a beautiful thing that you can bring this deeper texture to your relationship now, especially as a father.

01:06:00 - Chase (Host) Yeah, and there was a whole nother level. This actually I talked a lot about this in the solo episode, Um, because at the time my wife is a nurse practitioner.

01:06:08 At the time she was a psychedelic nurse practitioner running the clinic where I went in for therapy, where I went in for the ketamine, ketamine medicine. So there's, there's this whole other level of going into get mental health help and being on the receiving end of that medicine and in quite literally the same room, that container, as your spouse. So it's, you have to kind of really at least in my experience really let your guard down in a whole other way for sure, because, like, what version of me is she going to see?

01:06:39 I'm here to be cracked open by choice, because I want to work on things for myself but also for her. But she's the one like, literally in the room, literally administering the medicine, witnessing me, and God knows what kind of version you know a lot of people have the experience of they can tell their Uber driver every secret.

01:07:07 - Krista (Guest) You can go to a party and be like, yeah, so my mom did this and my dad did this, and never see that person again. But what happens in relationship is the deeper you become, the closer you become, the more you tend to hide parts of yourself, and so in that, you're sort of going against that perception that I need to hide parts of myself to be loved and you're choosing to walk yourself through. I'm going to let myself be fully seen by my wife and fully seen by my person, and I think in relationships, people just being mindful of that, of the parts of us that hide and the things that we avoid saying or the things that we avoid doing, or when we're avoiding touch or hugging or loving or just being ourselves in relationship because we've been in it for so long, it can be really beautiful to find a way to bring deeper intimacy through something like that.

01:07:53 - Chase (Host) And intimacy with yourself. That was a whole nother level of I didn't know that's what I was stepping into of this healing journey and, I think, anybody having this transition we've talked a lot about transitions and relationships. There's a level of intimacy with yourself that also comes on board that I don't think we really fully realize or respect or honor or allow to come to the table when developing practices for furthering intimacy with other people at the same time.

01:08:20 - Krista (Guest) So what's happening and we can use your ketamine example as the example for people to understand that deeper intimacy with yourself is you're choosing. You're saying this is uncomfortable, I'm choosing to go, and so you're honoring this, like knowing that there's something greater and better. And then you're also saying like I'm allowing myself to be seen because, even if she rejects me, I still love myself. Even if she rejects me, I'm still here and I'm still going to do it, and so doing hard things like that is a huge way to deepen intimacy with yourself.

01:08:48 In the darkness. I'll never forget I was going through so much grief during that time I had, you know, I don't know if you've ever had this or this is like a woman Piscean thing, but I had the feeling that there was a never ending depth to my feeling that if I started to feel, I would never stop feeling. I a never ending depth to my feeling that if I started to feel, I would never stop feeling. I would just be like bottomless pit. And so I remember just having this grief come up, this wave of grief, and the old me would have been like stop, don't feel it, push it down. But I was like I'm available. I was like let's, let's go, Like I'm so available for you.

01:09:15 And that was that trust being built of. Like I can hold this, Like whatever comes up'm available whether that's my soul or me, who knows. But even the grief, you know. Emotions last 90 seconds. It lasted 90 seconds. I took a nap, I ate some food, I went back to bed. I felt again and I think when we can walk ourselves through the fire and know that we're loved through, it is like such a beautiful thing well, krista, this has been fan flippantastic.

01:09:40 - Chase (Host) I have so many other questions that we didn't get to, but I'm very happy with the conversation that we did have.

01:09:46 - Krista (Guest) I'm so grateful. Thank you, thank you guys for riding the woo, woo wave.

01:09:49 - Chase (Host) Thank you for being on the woo woo train.

01:09:51 - Krista (Guest) Thank you for being with us in this.

01:09:53 - Chase (Host) I should have worn my beads for this one. I know honestly After the awakening I went to Tulum. I got some beads and the Oshama Chase.

01:09:59 - Krista (Guest) We're going to be sunning our butts, our buttholes, right after this here in Los Angeles, but really appreciate you guys being open-minded and my deep desire and intention is for you to just be who you came here to be live a life of purpose and of love, and just question everything, because I think the life that you want comes outside, on the other side of the questioning.

01:10:18 - Chase (Host) Yes, and with that my last question Bring it home for us living a life ever forward. What I do here on the show is to bring people on that, I think really embody that mantra, that philosophy comes from my late father, to really highlight unique areas of physical and mental resilience. But I want to get your interpretation those two words ever forward. What do they mean to you?

01:10:42 - Krista (Guest) I think the ever forward for me is allowing myself to bring all parts of me along the journey of becoming the person I came here to be. So, when I think the old version of me would be like ever forward, I always have to be better. I have to be more beautiful, more rich, more perfect, more all these things, but I'm like no, actually, the most imperfect parts of me get to come, the little girl gets to come, the loser gets to come, like the parts of me that I'm shameful for. So it's about bringing all parts of me through the journey to become, you know, the most embodied, excellent version of me that I know I already am embodying in this moment, but there's so many more versions of me available, ooh.

01:11:17 - Chase (Host) Ooh, I like that. There's never a right or wrong answer. I always say thank you for your interpretation.

01:11:22 - Krista (Guest) What was the worst one?

01:11:27 - Chase (Host) I'm just kidding. So what was the best one? What was the worst one? You know it's funny Every time I ask that question I hear so many different answers and I am in a different place in my life with every every episode, and so I one, I appreciate them all because it gets me to kind of think differently about my own philosophy, to get me out of my own idea of what it's supposed to be.

01:11:44 But then again, what is it supposed to be? It's just words, um, but I have a version of it and I was, you know, I was witness to it. You know, like I said, it came from my late father, passed away about 20 years ago, and, um, I got to witness this man embody this philosophy literally up until his dying breath, and then to live a life ever forward afterwards to your point was just, it has to be more, I have to do more. I can go, go, go, go go. But you know, lately and I really resonate with your answer here lately it's been, um, being okay with the fact that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. That's kind of been my new twist on it. And so, by being present, by being grateful and appreciative and respectful of wherever I am, whatever the circumstances are, and taking ownership or responsibility of that. It then allows me to properly move forward, instead of just moving forward for the sake of moving forward.

01:12:33 - Krista (Guest) Huge, huge, huge, huge. I love that.

01:12:36 - Chase (Host) Well, of course it will all be in the show notes, in the video description, but the new book is here, the book is out. Where can my audience go to connect with you, get the book, listen to the podcast, if they're not already? I mean, you guys have been crushing it for years.

01:12:49 - Krista (Guest) Yeah, I'm just, I'm so honored to be, you know, in front of you and have, you know, the ability to connect with your community.

01:12:55 I know that they respect you and they love you and it's just very meaningful you know, that they gave me the space and grace for this, and almost 30 is like so much of my life's work. You know it's really to remember that you're not behind, you're just becoming. And whether you want it for the nourishment chapter, whether you want it for the chapter on body, on purpose, on money, on relationships or friendships, we really took stories that were really vulnerable and true for us and then also really practical exercises mixed with some insights from some of our guests from our show. You know people like Mel Robbins, Glennon Doyle, Jay Shetty, you know Dr Mark Hyman, et cetera, and it's been just like such a gift to bring a guide for people in their conscious awakening to the world. So Almost 30, you can get it wherever. Almost 30 is the podcast. You can find me on Instagram at. It's Krista, it's I-T-S-K or I-S-T-A, and then I coach women and I do retreats, so it's kristacom.

01:13:45 - Chase (Host) Some of the best stories to follow along on Instagram. I gotta say just I love.

01:13:48 Oh, really I like to live vicariously through you so many times. You just you're living, you're thriving, but you're very honest but very relatable. Oh that, as a guy like I, like I really appreciate the language you bring to the work that you do. Uh, and the relatability. I think I love getting out of my comfort zone and like the way that you speak to your audience, particularly speak to women, it gets me into a better place to understand, I think, maybe how I'm speaking or how I'm navigating, just to like attune myself better.

01:14:22 - Krista (Guest) That is I mean I. It's so funny Like I have my all my girlies and they'll DM me if I have a man. Not even cause I. It's not about like sexual, it's just like. I'm just like, yes, let me, cause I just didn't like it means so much because I know it's not a natural thing to follow a girl on Instagram that you know it's just to learn from, that you know it's just to learn from, and so it's like to be given that access to supporting men in any way is so meaningful and like I'm just myself, and so to hear that reflection is really nice.

01:14:50 - Chase (Host) Keep doing you. Thank you, yeah, for more information on everything you just heard. Make sure to check this episode, show notes or head to everforwardradio.com