EFR 704: How I Remove Limiting Beliefs, Live Intentionally, Set Boundaries & Stay Committed to Myself

Speaker 1:The following is an operation podcast production. Uh, I'm Chase and, uh, I, I really, really met Chase and I've been able to keep him with me every day about two years ago, at the age of 35, after realizing I, I didn't really need to wear any of those hats if I didn't want it. I didn't need to be any of those things if I didn't want it. Um, the only thing I really should want to be I is me. Uh, so learning who Chase really was and what he wanted a couple years ago is, um, has been the greatest blessing. And you now, I'm, I'm Chase, and I'm just exploring every day what that looks like, what that feels like.

Speaker 2:This is your number one source for inspiring content from people who are putting a purpose to their passion and truly living a life ever forward. I am your host, chase Tuning. This is Ever Forward Radio,

Speaker 1:What's Going on Ever? Ford Radio listeners, thank you so mu so much for being with me here today on the show. I'm your host, chase sch, and today I am sharing a recent conversation I had over on the Due Therapist podcast with my man Ellie Weinstein. Now, I have decided to alternate at least for May and June solo episodes. So every Monday is gonna be an interview, and Wednesday is gonna be me. I've got a lot of great solo episodes already recorded, diving into some very specific topics and some very specific ways in which I live a life ever forward. I also have fielded some q and As on my social media. If you wanna gimme a follow over there and tune into the next one, you can check me out on Instagram at chase underscore tuning. This will all be linked for you in today's show notes as always.

Speaker 1:But I wanted to share a recent episode of another show because I felt like it kind of highlighted a unique area of living, a life ever forward, of living a very heart-centered way. For many, many, many years, I was living head centered. I was living from what my brain was telling me what I thought was the right or wrong thing to do or not do, and just acting really out of response to rules and belief systems and schools of thought that I just wasn't sure if I ever really believed or if I had just begun to outgrow. And so today's episode, I want to talk to you about living intentionally, setting boundaries, and staying committed to yourself and how I do all of this. And really what happened to me a few years ago that was the catalyst for all of this, if you were someone listening right now and you were questioning what you were doing with your life, if you were questioning what is the meaning, what is the purpose?

Speaker 1:Or if, like me, you kind of have had this little gnawing gut feeling in the pit of your stomach or in the back of your mind, wherever that, you know, what part of this kind of seems right or I, I, I feel in alignment with what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, maybe in my relationships or the type of job I have, or just what I consciously find myself saying yes and no to, but just something about me feels like there's more, like I should or should not be doing this, or I just, I'm curious and I wanna question things. Well, that is exactly how I felt, and it's okay to question things. I, I think we absolutely should be questioning most things in our lives. We should be questioning damn near everything or coming back to questioning them periodically to just kind of check in.

Speaker 1:Do I know why I am doing this? Do I know why I'm living this way? Do I know why I am in this job, in this relationship? Do I know why I get out of bed every damn day and I do the things that I do? Why do I avoid certain things? Why do I lean more into others? Questions are extremely powerful. And in my experience, the more we question and the better questions we ask of ourselves, we don't always immediately get answers or solutions. We get better next questions, and that might sound confusing, that might sound daunting, but take a page outta my book. It is very liberating. It is very freeing, and not that far off from the future. You will find yourself with an answer. Ultimately, it boils down to this, and I talk about this in the conversation you're about to hear.

Speaker 1:The one question that I came down to that I always ask myself, whether or not I was conscious of it, ultimately just boils down to, do I feel safe? And that kind of showed me the question beyond that, you know, like I said, the questions beget other questions, am I loved? And if those two are in synchronicity and in alignment with me, I kind of feel like I have my answer. I hope after listening to this conversation, you can ask yourself these two questions. Do I feel safe and am I loved? And if the answer to those two are yes, then I would be willing to bet you are on the right path. Thank you so much for tuning in here today, if you have not yet done so, one very simple thing that does help the show significantly in terms of growth and getting even more incredible guests and just reaching other people, that's ultimately my goal, to help as many people as possible to help them bring awareness into key areas of their life, such as physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

Speaker 1:To live a life ever forward. If you're listening right now and you have not yet followed or subscribed, it would mean the world to me. If took three seconds right here, right now, and just paused, went to your platform of choice, tap, subscribe, tap, follow. And beyond that, you know, if you really wanna share the love, leaving a rating and or a review on Spotify or Apple Podcast is incredible. Or sending this out to just one person in your life that you think could benefit from today's message or the show as a whole is incredibly well received. I send so much love and thank you and gratitude your way. And you know, there are a lot of different ways that I can lean into these questions and really scan my entire being my physical, mental, emotional self. And if you're like me and you've been listening to this show for any length of time, you know that getting a little hard data never hurts.

Speaker 1:Some quantitative feedback, some biofeedback. And I do that in a few different ways. I love my smart devices. I got an Apple Watch, but specifically when I lean into my physical activity tracker from Whoop, they're 4.0, I get a level of feedback that is just mind blowing in terms of stress, stress management, recovery. And I've even so much played around with making sure I am prioritizing my downtime and prioritizing spending time with people that matter to me, nurturing and developing meaningful relationships. What that's doing is really increasing my mental and emotional health that is really giving me consistent hits of serotonin and oxytocin and dopamine. All of these things that are beyond just feel good hormones, actually have a myriad of other health benefits that we can now measure. I love my whoop, and it has been a great gauge for me to look at the data on the app to not only look at, okay, my workout strength, my sleep score, a lot of other more tangible hard data points, but things that are, I'll say a little bit on the softer side, that is recovery and that is your emotional state.

Speaker 1:When I pay attention to when I am not leaning into emotional health, when I am not prioritizing mental health, and I am not making time for meaningful relationships and people in my life and just myself, the data shows, it's pretty wild. If you are interested in learning more about what whoop can maybe do for you, it is an incredibly sleek device that I keep on my wrist, but you can also wear it in clothing or on your ankle. The 4.0 has so many other ways that you can optimize data in terms of quantitative and qualitative feedback where you can place it on your body and it tracks so much information in the background. Resting heart rate, heart rate variability. You can measure your workouts and it gives you just a percentage or a color coding score to really get a glimpse as to where you are, how hard maybe you should push it today, or should you kind of let your foot off the gas and rest and recover a little bit more.

Speaker 1:You actually can get your band for free. We got a partnership with them here. You can get your 4.0 band completely for free, and you're even gonna get some incredible savings on your new membership. I got this link for you down in the show notes as always, but you can head to join.whoop.com/ever, and you're gonna get the 4.0 band for free and one month free. That is an incredible amount of savings. I love it because it's so easy to sign up, so easy to read. You can wear it anywhere. Honestly, the data on this stuff is just still mind blowing. There's so much more that this does that I have not yet tapped into. But for me and my general wellness and general feedback, probably single-handedly the number one thing I could recommend, the number one hard tangible device that I could recommend for overall snapshot of where I am mentally, physically, just so much extra data here that I otherwise would just need to have to rely on a feeling, which is very important and definitely takes me far, but the data that I get on this thing just really does help optimize my day, my life in whole new ways.

Speaker 1:Again, that's join dot whoop, that's w h o o p.com/ever to get your first month free and 4.0 activity tracker band on the house. Uh, I'm Chase and, uh, I, I really, really met Chase and I've been able to keep him with me every day about two years ago, at the age of 35, after realizing I, I didn't really need to wear any of those hats if I didn't want it. I didn't need to be any of those things. If I didn't want it. Um, the only thing I really should want to be I is me. Uh, so learning who Chase really was and what he wanted a couple years ago is, um, has been the greatest blessing. And, you know, I'm, I'm Chase and I'm just exploring every day what that looks like, what that feels like.

Speaker 3:You know, I I love that just simple perspective on that, even though it's not so simple at all. But how do you, first of all, what, what took 35 years and why that timeframe? What was that precipice that kind of went, you know what, let me meet myself and let me actually know what that is.

Speaker 1:You know, I guess there's no real way to say this without the variable that was Covid. And what I mean by that was at 35, I turned 35 October 5th, 2020, and I still live in and was living in Los Angeles, California at the time. And that was probably the height of lockdown and the height of just a lot of things going on. And I don't need to open that box, but I'll just say for me, especially where I was living, it was very, very unique. You know, I, I was literally, I, I lived downtown LA at the time, and, you know, I would go out on a walk to take my dog out, or just a morning walk myself. And, um, I, I would either see no one, uh, or I would be walking right next to Armed Soldiers National Guard coming in to protect the city.

Speaker 1:Um, which for me was a very, very interesting dynamic because I had banned that armed soldier, you know, on the streets before. And, and so I think just a lot of things during that time radically forced me to literally look at every day differently. I was navigating life differently. I was navigating business differently. I, I was needing, I was being navigated by people differently. You know, it was such a unique and interesting time in human history. Um, everybody was just, you know, going through it in their own way. And I, I think around that time, at 35 years old, I just, I don't know if it was like I, I had this conscious awakening of I've had enough, or, you know what, screw it. I'm just gonna start questioning things. Uh, I'm gonna lean one way or the other. But there was this, this pinnacle, this, this moment where all of what was going on currently in, in, in my world, and the world seemed to be flipped on its head.

Speaker 1:I just was really questioning things, um, not in like, oh my gosh, my world is falling apart kind of way. But just becoming very curious about fundamental things that I used to hold true believe to hold true, or was questioning what truth is in this and beyond that, what, what is that truth, my, my truth, my experience with it, and how does it serve me? And I began to kind of really go down that rabbit hole of, if I can't find a way that this is serving me, or if I can no longer honestly gut check, head and heart resonate with that, then why am I keeping it in my life? And it, it just really kind of unfolded that way. And I began to just question everything. Um, and, but question with intention and question with a sense of knowing that I, I, I was going to either find an answer or I was going to be solidified in an answer I already had, or I was gonna find the next right question.

Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that was my, my perspective. That was my mindset. That was my choice to kind of pull the thread and begin to unravel my entire framework. Um, I don't, I probably wouldn't recommend this for just anyone without kind of having this, this intention, this intentionality behind it, because it, it does just that, it begins to unravel your framework, unravel your belief systems, unravel your life. Um, but if you're aware of that all along the way, I think there, there is, and there was, for me, immense power, um, an an incredible experience, but immense power that I began to find and take back in my life that I hadn't had for 35 years. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and there's just something extremely dynamic and extremely radical about shifting, rebuilding your entire belief system and framework for who you are and what you wanna do. Yeah.

Speaker 3:You know, and I, I love what you're saying, and I have a lot of questions to ask, um, but just to start off is good for you. Like, that takes extreme courage and, and so much power internally to finally decide that perspective of change. Um, and on top of it, not to, you know, ruin the facade of what therapy is, is that is what therapists help people do, is to help them pull the string. And, you know, I usually, um, give a metaphor of therapy as your room is really dirty, or things are disorganized or clean or, or, or unclean, let's say. And sometimes you need someone to hold your hand to get into the room, to even start the process of putting the things in the right place, or even just analyzing what the stuff is and then where to put it, not folding it and not putting the wages yet.

Speaker 3:And a lot of times we shove all our crap in our stuff in a closet and don't wanna touch it, or we haven't touched it. Cuz if we touch one thing, everything falls, and we're too afraid or holding on by just a thread without that falling. Um, and a therapist is there to help through that process. So I wanna know from your perspective, you know, uh, what were some of the questions you were asking yourself and how did you stay kind of grounded and focused and strong when things were kind of unraveling in the way that they were? Not in intentionally, but still falling, pieces, falling apart?

Speaker 1:I don't know if I realized this at the time or at these kind of key moments during this, this time period I'm talking about, but definitely looking back, I can say the question I was at least asking subconsciously was, do I feel safe? Hmm. Do I quite literally, do I feel safe for my life? Do I quite literally feel safe in this room, in this building, in this group of people? And just, there's so many depths to safety, um, security, ultimately, I think you can boil it down to, am I loved,

Speaker 1:Do I love them? Do I love this space? Do I love this, this present moment? And is that reciprocated is their safety, security and love in this moment? And when I just like, really 3, 2, 1, yes or no, could go 3, 2, 1. Yes. If that was such a quick immediate gut check of safety, security, and love, then I was like, why is it taking me so long to get in this room? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, what, what, what barriers have been in place between me and this room? Me and this person, me and these people, but more kind of scary or more, uh, like, I guess the harder part about this is what fault did I have, or what was my role in maybe putting up and keeping up these walls? What was I doing consciously, subconsciously to have a wall up, even within my own self? But between my wife and I, between my family and I, my in-laws and I, my community and I, my, my peers, my colleagues, what wall was there that I had been holding up for so long unnecessarily after this immediate gut check of safety, security, and love.

Speaker 1:Hmm. And it, it showed me, you know, ego work never really ends. It showed me some unique ways that, uh, even someone like my courses is the ego talking. Like, I would like to say that I, I don't have a big ego, or at least, you know, understanding ego has been a big part of my work for many years. Um, and, and not getting rid of it, but understanding it and, and then knowing how to best live with it, um, really kind of showed me honestly more walls that were up because of me, but was even more radical, was that when I could honestly look at these walls and go chase, safety, security and love has been waiting for you on the other side of these walls that you have built and you are still holding and supporting. On the other side of it are people with open arms knowing that I was the one keeping them at arms distance mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:<affirmative>, but yet they had the capacity to just basically wait. I, I think was what just made so many of these walls just melt away so quickly mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, and made that transition to this new life that I'm building and, you know, new and deepening relationships that much more quickly, uh, intimately, um, and, uh, powerfully. Hey, what's up friends? Quick break from my episode here today, my conversation with Ellie, just to kind of bring your attention to some other things that I use to help my mental health, my emotional health, and really help keep me centered. These are some supplements that I've been using for years now, pushing five years from cured nutrition. Their lineup of functional mushroom and adaptogen and CBD products are things that I quite literally look forward to taking. They're things that help center me, help lower my stress, help lower cortisol, help me feel cool, calm and collected so that I can have a better outlook on the rest of my day, hell, even the rest of my life sometimes.

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Speaker 3:You know, and it's so, it's so empowering. And I think the, the interesting thing is that a lot of people went through that transformation because of covid i's impacts and effects, um, whether it was due to isolation, due to who we were relied on and were supported by mm-hmm. <affirmative>, who we called upon for that support,

Speaker 1:Who checked in

Speaker 3:On us exactly. And dwindling that the extra, uh, of life, whether it was those, uh, videos of the backyard wedding where there were 15 people versus normally you would have 300 people at a wedding, right? Like it would be, it

Speaker 1:Became for all the Zoom weddings

Speaker 3:Exactly right, zoom, everything became very simple and a lot more intentional. And I think that for years, myself included, we have put on either a facade or a show to kind of get through life or, or do what is expected of us versus what feels right or safe or secure. And I, and I think, you know, as someone who, who works with people every day, the thing that I saw was the question of, well, I don't, I don't, I don't wanna be with this friend anymore. I really don't want to go to that family get together because of X, Y, and z. I think I'm finally gonna say no. And people actually choosing themselves, not in a disgusting, selfish way, but in a, in a, in a healthy, focused process of intention. And I know that I have lost friends over Covid just because our intentions were not in line anymore.

Speaker 3:And not that I think anything bad about them or have any ill will to towards their families or them, or anything they do, or decisions they make, or political beliefs, religious belief, nothing about that. Just we don't drive anymore. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And we've just been spinning the wheels for years. So what would be your suggestion in your experience that you've done? Now we're talking about intention and commitment to self, where when we finally come to terms with the importance of our and mental health and the people that we have been keeping in our circle are now, it's not so confident to have them in that circle. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, how do we have those conversations? How do we make those decisions and how do we feel okay about them when someone has been so integral in our life for years?

Speaker 1:You know, I, I think for me, it all boils down to one concept. And, and that's boundaries. Um, and it's way easier said than done because to first of all, take inventory of maybe what boundaries you have in your life already with certain people. Which ones, um, come top of mind, which ones you think are there, maybe set by somebody else, um, or just where do you even really want to begin to draw the line in the sand? And it, it sounds harsh, it sounds very, um, this or that. It sounds like if then, and I'm here to tell you from personal experience, that is not always the case. A healthy boundary is a way to create your own container no matter where you go or who you are with, to stay in safety, security, and love, or to very quickly have like a litmus test of how much of which is here.

Speaker 1:And there is great power and respect to be had, I think, in someone coming to you or sharing with you from a very, um, very real honest, vulnerable position to discuss a boundary. Whether they flat out say, Hey, I need to draw some boundaries. Actually using that terminology or just sharing with you maybe for the first time or the first time in a long time, um, an expression of their feelings, an expression of their mental health state. Just where they are mentally and emotionally. I think if we're really a friend, if we're really in tune, we can pick up on that. We can pick up on just, you know, bullshit or we can pick up on what is something very real coming from the heart. And I have found more often than not, by expressing that it is not only respected, but even reciprocated More often than not.

Speaker 1:I think we're in this dance with people in life of things of, I'm only doing this because I think it's what you need or want. And the other person is like, I'm only doing, I'm only responding, or I'm only acting this way because I think it's what you need or want. There's this phrase, this quote, I, I, I forget who it's from, but, um, I, I think it can be summarized even beyond boundaries into like why and how we act. And it's, I am not who I think I am. I am who I think you think I am. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And if we can begin to kind of step more into the center of that and even try to dissolve that, not only are we putting ourselves more on the path to, to our truth, uh, or just, uh, I think a happier life. Um, that in and of itself I think creates healthy boundaries. Because if I can now walk through life and, and be in who I think I am or who I want to be, that automatically is going to attract people and keep them at the right distance for the right amount of time. Or it's going to kind of be like this amazing love force field that doesn't push people away, but rather is like the energy that walks into the room before you do to let people know we're not on the same page and that's okay and that's okay. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3:<affirmative>. And I think that's so hard for people to admit, right? Yeah. That

Speaker 1:There's fear on the other side of that. There's

Speaker 3:So much fear and

Speaker 1:Unknown. What's gonna happen? Who am I gonna lose? Exactly. Who's gonna like me? Who's gonna not like me? And that's all the work

Speaker 3:I know. I work with people all the time about this concept of where the line is of being selfish and focusing on self. Can you talk about in your perspective, maybe in this journey that you've had, what the fine line is and where it crosses to each side? I would like to focus on the more, let's, you know, focus on health and myself versus selfish.

Speaker 1:I think to kind of tie it to a way, I think to continue to support healthy boundaries, um, is selfish for me, when I think of that is I'm thinking about me, I'm acting for me, selfless or even like the distancing, the boundary setting at first seems like being selfish. Like, I need me time. I gotta take care of me, myself, and I, I, I need, you know, more of me, less of you kind of thing. It differs when you can honestly gut check, say out loud, think look in the mirror and go, I'm doing this for them. I'm doing this for the people that matter. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So that when I do show up for them for what I need, or they need me to show up for them for what they need, I am acting, living, being present out of service for them.

Speaker 1:So selfish for me is I'm doing me, I'm taking care of me. Uh, it's me, it's the me show all the time. And that might just be an, that might be self-care, that might be selfless work, wearing still a very strong egotistical mask. It might get you to that point. It might be kind of the the brutal truth you need to have right now in order to just get you on your path. But I think if you can get really intentional and go, I, I want, I kind of want that. Like, that's okay, first and foremost, it's okay to want to take care of yourself and to be more in tune with you, but also go, I want more me time for her, for him. I, by how can I take care of me, have more me time so that I can better show up for my wife. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, my husband, my partner, my kids, my, my team, my employees, my boss, my community. It has to be like reverse engineering. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I think,

Speaker 3:You know, um, while back, I remember when I first became a therapist, I thought I had to dress a certain way, act a certain way. I even bought a pen that I hold onto. I think that this cool, you know, refillable pen would make me a better therapist. Um, I bought the sweat, you know, the, the, the, the cardigans, you know, the tweed <laugh> with the, the pads on the elbows,

Speaker 1:Elbow batches. Yeah,

Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. I got the whole nine yards <laugh>. I'm like, okay, now I'm ready. I have my, my armor or my my mask. So I'm the part show, right. And now I'm playing the part. And when I opened a private practice about a year and a half ago, going on almost two years soon, I was like, what the hell am I doing? Like, why am I, I'm doing this because someone's asking me to do this. Whether it was a, you know, a dress code from a boss or I think people are not gonna respect me if I look a certain way and I wanna tell everyone this, that I have not lost one client because of how I dress. Now. I'm not showing up naked to a session. I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Yes. Right. With a baseball hat on. Sometimes, depending on my hair or lack of, depending on the day.

Speaker 3:And you know, what, what, what angle you're at. But even, let's say for example, religiously, right? I used to dress a certain way to go to synagogue on Sabbath. I wear an untucked white shirt, nice pants and nice shoes. I used to wear suits. I was, I wasn't un I wasn't comfortable. I was doing it. Cause I thought that people would judge me that I wasn't either religious enough mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And there's something very freeing when you're able to look in the mirror. And more days than not, not every day, but more days than not say, I am enough for how I want to be enough today. And that takes a lot of courage and guts. And you know, you talk about the idea of these little nuances having such big impact, um, on who we are as people and how we show up. But what is the fear?

Speaker 3:Because to me, when someone shows their true selves, maybe this is my experience maybe cuz I see people's truth often every day as a therapist. I'm not disgusted by it. I'm not like, oh, you're sad today. What's wrong with you? Or what, that's what you want to do in the bedroom with your wife or with your husband. Oh, how disgusting. Oh, that's how you think about your parents. So when we become honest, I think it's very relieving, but we're so afraid, what are we so afraid of when it's, everyone has those things, everyone on this planet. So what do you think is the fear-based perspective that people have so often?

Speaker 1:It's a really important question and it's one that I, I I think if we ask ourselves that once in our lifetime, it's great. But, but I think a very meaningful lifetime of that question repeatedly would really, really serve us on regular basis. Um, because we're always gonna be growing and evolving and one question begets another, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I, I found the right questions typically prompt more questions than they do answers, at least right away. I, I think in my personal experience and, you know, my own years of running a, uh, concierge medical practice and working with, with clients patients day in, day out for years, you know, then more of the goal to work there was the physical aspect. But I, I, I believe, and I'll always say it really comes down to the mental and emotional side there, there's typically that final blockage of, of the heart, the, the emotional side that, uh, is really preventing us from, from stepping into the life that we want for ourselves or we think we deserve, or the least the one that we think we can build, uh, and, and cherish.

Speaker 1:Um, the fear is still there, but I think it's, it's, we have a, a misinterpretation of the fear. What I mean by that is, if I draw this boundary, if I say this thing out loud that I in my heart of hearts know is what I want or know is my truth, or even is just a strong, curious itch that I want to scratch, the fear really is what if this sticks? What if by me sharing my truth that I feel in my heart of hearts causes change? Or what if I scratch this itch and I really like it and then it becomes my truth? Or it it heals me, makes me feel some kind of way, positive way. The fear is then like, what if it sticks? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, what if this becomes my new life? That is a, a totally different life. Because that is going to then show you a lot of other areas, many other areas, most likely, maybe not right away, but down the road where you have been hiding and guarding and living out of fear or have a lot of other scratches that you want to itch, uh, or itches.

Speaker 1:You wanna scratch. There we go. Um, it's, the fear is there, but I think we just kind of have a, a, a flipped understanding of it. It, it's not as much, what if I say this out loud in the other person, blah, blah, blah. What if they don't like me? What if they leave me? What if I get fired? What if, what if my family disowns me? What? Or even just something a as tiny as what if they just look at me like I'm a freaking weirdo? You know, we are still putting the possibility of a meaningful life on the shoulders of other people. Cuz that's easy. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> when reality is, if I say these things, if I do these things or I, I put myself in pursuit of these things, my life is gonna change. I'm gonna view my life, the world, my world totally differently. That can be more scary. That I think is the scariest thing we all have hiding inside of us that we just either don't recognize or don't, don't want to recognize, cuz that that doesn't just change the thing that changes everything. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Speaker 3:So, so in your perspective, what has been some of the most vivid, or you can go into small, nuanced or big things that have changed now that you're choosing that intention and that commitment? You

Speaker 1:Know, I think for me, one of the biggest things that I hid behind was I, I do hold one of my core values is definitely, um, integrity. And for integrity. For me, that means whatever I deem to be right, whether I'm by myself or I'm in public, to be the, the, the deciding factor. Integrity means doing what is right, my perception of right in the presence of others or in the presence of myself. And so I think one of the biggest things that I hid behind was having confusion, not around integrity, but of what I held to be right or wrong. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and especially publicly only ever leaning into what the public perception of right and wrong was, or what I felt the majority was. What I mean by that, you know, a a, a small, a dumb detail or an example as jaywalking, um, if the sign was white or said go, I would go, if I'm standing there in a, uh, intersection and from miles, I couldn't see a car in either direction, but the sign said, stop.

Speaker 1:Don't walk. I'm not gonna walk because that's the right thing to do. Right? Well, I'm an idiot <laugh>, you know, it, you know, maybe if there's a cop waiting to gimme a g jaywalking ticket, <laugh>. Um, but you know, there there's gray room there, there, there's ambiguity there, there are blurred lines in right and wrong all the time, or at least in a lot of the ways that I was looking at my life that like chase, if you're by yourself, you can cross the street, even though it says don't chase if you're with somebody. Like the same thing could happen. Um, but even to, you know, even larger examples of talking to my family, talking publicly on, on, on social media platforms and podcasts and you know, in, in, in, out into the world about things such as alcohol, such as drugs such as my sex life, such, such as, uh, religious beliefs such as, you know, things that, you know, I held to be the ultimatum come hell or high water truth.

Speaker 1:Where now I either think very differently or I'm just letting everyone know, including a lot of the people that raised me <laugh> and facilitated this belief system that I'm questioning it and, and, and no longer living my life out of a way that I think you want me to live. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> or truths and beliefs that you want me to have. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, why do you even have them? Can you even honestly tell me? Or was it just, you know, are we just cascading one belief system and intention, you know, on and, and on and on to the next family, next generation, so on and so forth. Um, so really just finally being able to just to, to go that like chase, you're not acting not in integrity by doing these things. It is the most integrity you can have to be, you know, in truth or in pursuit of truth. Now you have clarity of what that truth really is and what it means to you.

Speaker 3:Hmm. And and I think that like those nuanced things are so important. And, you know, something that I like to work on with a lot of people is the basis foundation of their belief system. You know, you went through the Army or vet, I'm sure rules were a huge part of your

Speaker 1:Function. Oh, everything,

Speaker 3:Everything. Right? How you wake up, when you wake up, what you do, where you eat, how you eat, who you talk to, where you're talking, how you're allowed to talk, who you're allowed to talk to and when you talk to them, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and, and how you should move in precision and, and in perfection and for safety, security, all those things. And then you go out into the world and, and the world doesn't run that way mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I don't think we need the army, um, to do that to us. I think that we all have some way or another behaviors or experiences that shape a belief system that we've had for years. And, and something that I try to do for myself is, you know, as a parent, I can't expect my daughter who's almost four to be 20. I can't treat her that way. I can't ask her to be that way. And the funny thing is, is that as adults, we view ourselves and expect ourselves to live by the same rules that we did when we were four.

Speaker 1:Yeah.

Speaker 3:And we don't question that because we've run on that mode and that process for years and we've survived. Maybe not thrive, but we've gotten through life and we're still here. Right. I get up the same way I do this, I, I, you know, change your bed, do your bed this way, towels, whatever, however you run. And I fold it this way and I do things that way and I talk to people this way. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I'm not saying that all of a sudden you need to now crash your whole system and, and be an ass or a terrible human being. Right? That's not what we're saying here. We're saying that if you don't expect a four year old to be a 20 year old, why would a 20 year old expected to be still running the same system as a four year old? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you're an adult now. So question, ask, look, educate yourself. Something that I'm very big on is I read a lot, I read a lot of content, and I'm not talking about social media. I'm talking about actual books. Right. And whether it's articles online, that also counts in my mind. But I don't have the brain power. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Cause I would like to get away from the screen if I can. Um, and people ask me like, oh, why do you read so much? I'm like, just to get different perspectives.

Speaker 1:I'm like, why don't you <laugh>?

Speaker 3:Like I, some people it's like, oh, I can't read. It's like, okay, you don't wanna read or you find it boring. I have people who say, oh, I fall asleep within the first couple of sentences and it takes me six months to read seven chapters. I say, okay, you do, you do you whatever you want. But for me, that's how I become me, is I read how people run their world business. You know, I love memoirs and CEOs and all that kind of stuff. I love non-fiction books on mental health. And I love listening to podcasts that make me question. And I think in the world that we live today, we are, there's this two extremes that happen. We, we feel that we have to stay comfortable so we don't question, or we question so much that we're looked at as crazy. Right. And, or conspiracies or, or, you know, so extreme.

Speaker 3:You ask so many questions why so critical of the world? But critical thinkers are the ones that make us grow and change and adjust and learn and, and become. And and I'm not saying that we have to believe everything we read, but we at least should be respectful and understanding to opinions of others and perspectives that might not be ours because we don't know what's gonna come out. And I, I'll ask one more question, but you know, something that I think of this as is like undergrad, right? When you go to college, what's the point of taking a hundred classes in four years? <laugh>? What's the point of that? Yeah. Right. It's that, and, and you know, whether people believe it's well-rounded, if some people believe it's a waste of money, I think it depends on who you are and where you and what you do with your life.

Speaker 3:Um, but to me it was experiences. It was, okay, so I took class on this. I don't like that. Okay. I took class on that. That's a load of garbage. Okay. I really like that teacher and that perspective. Let me look more. And so it just gave me a thought process that was not just one minded. So for you, you know, you, you interview a lot of different people and before we were talking, I was looking through, you have professionals, you have individuals who've gone through experiences and all these things. Is there a running theme that you have seen in the 700 episodes that you've done at ever forward?

Speaker 1:Almost, yeah.

Speaker 3:They're almost 700, right? I think you're at six 80 something right now, or something like that. Yeah, yeah. That the people you have are people who move forward, who are, are ever forward or going to that next step or that next stage, or pushing boundaries or asking questions and, and, and not just taking things for granted or, or mm-hmm. <affirmative> as they come. Have you seen kind of a running femur perspectives that keep coming up that you think would beneficial to share? Um, because you have a wonderful perspective as hearing these things and learning from these people, um, and seeing for yourself how these little nuances can really make a huge, a huge shift.

Speaker 1:Yeah. I mean, really, really great question. Uh, and I think one of the first things that comes to mind for me is a lot of the people that I talk to on the show, and a lot of people that just give me immense value in my life, ha have probably this theme in common most. And that is they went through something that could be a major injury, that could be a health crisis themselves, with a family member, a, a loss, a tragedy, uh, a triumph. Uh, or even the air quote here, you know, traditional route, the college corporate life success, they went through something, had a realization about it and didn't keep it to themselves. They recognized that, wait a minute, I am a human having this experience. There's no way I'm the only one. Or it's the feeling of am I the only one I gotta let other people know so that I can find other people who have maybe gone through something similar or let people know, Hey, you might get to this point kind of thing.

Speaker 1:You might, you too might also have this experience. And what I love most about these people with this theme is because I mean, that's like, that's what we could all hope for, right? Is your fellow man having a profound life experience and then feeling compelled so much to take time out of their life, out of their work and go seek out other ways to just tell other people about it. That can be as simple as a community forum hopping on a podcast or even going, what I love even more is the extra mile of creating something out of it. I'm gonna turn this into a book. I'm gonna make this a product. I'm gonna make this a service. I'm gonna build a business around it, which is a whole nother sidebar. Like, it's okay to do that. Like, it's okay to monetize your life experience there.

Speaker 1:It's okay to put yourself out there, know the worth of what you're doing. Um, and you know, and, and if you can make a living doing that, I think that's amazing. Amazing. Um, so it's really, it's that, it's this theme of recognition of something in your life and then taking a step further of sharing it with others and making sure that, you know, other people aren't alone in that. Um, I would say secondly, it, it's the curiosity. The, and it's either been innate or again, usually like a major life experience. You're just out of the womb just questioning everything and just, you know, see the world through. I, I think, you know, a child's lens of just beauty and wonder and just, not even just, I'm saying optimistic, but just potential and, and, and energy and, and all the what ifs in the world. I, I do think a lot of people are just like that.

Speaker 1:But then other people, and I, I think I would probably put more myself into this bucket. Um, I am now looking through that lens because of multiple significant life events, tragedy, loss, but also love and bliss and, and, and, you know, euphoria and just stillness and oneness and, and all of these amazing sensations that I am continuously still tapping into, especially because of my respect for now, and prioritization and consistency with, um, mental health work and, you know, eq, emotional intelligence, emotional health. Um, you know, I, I think it's kind of, it's like one is not better than the other. Just the important thing is that when we have these moments, these realizations, um, we recognize we're not alone. Uh, we, there are other people like us, uh, and you know, we can help other people at the same time. And I don't mean help as in like, I'm better than you or I'm further along.

Speaker 1:It's just how much more powerful is this human experience is life when we just connect with one other person who just gets us. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like, I, like, I know like when someone tells me they are in love and they, they have the love of their life in their life, I'm like, like it makes me emotional now just saying that out loud cuz I'm like, I immediately tap into that sensation, that feeling I have with my wife. I also have that for myself now. I have such love for and with myself that, you know, I can relate to. But also when someone tells me my father passed away when I was a kid. My father passed away yesterday, a loved one of mine died unexpectedly or had a terminal illness, I immediately can connect because I've been there. I buried my father at 19 years old after a very intense short battle with a terminal illness, a l s and, and, and I wouldn't be able to have that connection with them if I didn't make it a point to share these experiences that I've also had then, then to also do the work necessary to fundamentally understand them mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:<affirmative> so that I can apply them and relate to other people in the same way. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that I think is secondary to, you know, you know, really what I see most in a lot of the people that I have on the show, um, it's the curiosity. It's scratching that itch, putting it out there in the world. Uh, but then also, uh, just reflecting on your own life, you know, and, and just knowing that there's so much more out there and you can help a lot of people along the way.

Speaker 3:I am so moved by what you just said because, um, you know, for me, I've always been someone who was curious to the fault of annoying people,

Speaker 1:<laugh>.

Speaker 3:Right. My parents included in that, in that one I was just asking and asking and wondering, and how does this work? I would break things on purpose to find out wow, what was inside, um, which wasn't so great for my parents, uh, when I would, like, I

Speaker 1:Just bought that

Speaker 3:<laugh>. No, no. It was more like one time my, my cousin and I took a hammer and broke a toilet to understand the piping. Uh, we're, we were idiots. We were just having fun. We were just like, Hey, how's this work?

Speaker 1:Hey, now we got you two for that, right? We can

Speaker 3:Say, yeah, no, I still, by the way, I didn't figure out how the plumbing worked that just broke a toilet <laugh>, um, or things of that nature. And I, and I think that for me, becoming an adult, maybe that's why I'm a therapist, is, is is asking questions and understanding is something that is valued as a kid. It was annoying people, but now it's a value. And for me, I know me, I don't always enjoy what I ask. I don't always like the answers. I don't always show up the best way for myself. But I'm always questioning, like, today, I was really down today before this call, I had a really frustrating morning, but now I'm better because I worked through it and I'm aware that I feel it and took action because I've been curious about myself. I'm not just like, I just need to take a nap.

Speaker 3:No, I know exactly what bothered me, so I worked on it. Right. And that takes self-reflection and awareness. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And sometimes we're afraid to look in the mirror and sometimes we're afraid to understand that ourself. And since having kids, I have been so open to the idea more of curiosity and patience when I never had before or didn't have as much before. I mean, like my daughter's car rides with me, she asks the daddy if our car got in a tree, we couldn't get home. And I'm like, you're right. <laugh>, you're right. We could not get home. And I said, how does the car get in the tree? She's like, I don't know. But if it was in the tree <laugh>, we couldn't get home. Like, okay, good point. Right? It's not about the why, it said it's there and, but we can't do it.

Speaker 3:So I think you're making beautiful points of like curiosity and, and understanding of self and connection to feelings. Right? Als and death. My, I had a cousin who died from als and you know, and, and I, we've, the thing that we need to remember is that as human experience is we all have so much that goes on in our life that we don't see from other people's perspectives that happen in our daily life. Loss, joy, success, failure, happiness, sadness. You know, we all poop, right? We all like, we all get sick and we all are healthy at some days or another. And we are so afraid to share everything. I'm not saying you need to post everything online and, but with the people that matter to be aware and open and real about us, you have no idea that they are probably going through something just as similar may be different, but the underlying feeling can be so connecting. And I, I truly value your journey and, you know, uh, I think you're a lot cooler than your brother. Don't worry. Um, <laugh>,

Speaker 1:Uh, I get that a lot. <laugh>,

Speaker 3:You're cooler than Max. You are <laugh>. Uh, and your cousin, uh, you know Claire, you know.

Speaker 1:Oh yeah. She's amazing.

Speaker 3:Nah, she's okay. No, she's really, yeah,

Speaker 1:She's all, she's,

Speaker 3:Yeah, she's okay.

Speaker 1:I'm the best everybody know. Go back. You're the best. Just like we started Feed the Ego. There we go. Yes.

Speaker 3:Ego. But Chase, I I really appreciate your podcast. I know you had me on the show and I appreciate that and I'm, I'm very pleasure honored to have you on the show. Uh, so thanks so much. And if you can tell everyone, you know, where people can, can listen to your show, can hear more from you, uh, and your, your now intention and commitment and nuance changes I think are so important.

Speaker 1:Well, Ellie, thank you so much, man. I appreciate it. And, uh, before I, I get my, um, where you can come find me, which I want you all to come find me, I'd love to hang out. I wanna just summarize, I, I think, uh, a quote that comes to mind that is very true to form for me, uh, one of my favorite stoics, um, Seneca, uh, that I think has summarized a lot of what we talked about. And if you walk away with nothing else, please hear this. We suffer far more in our own imagination, in our own imagination than in reality. You know, take that mold over, just apply it as, as you will, but just, we suffer far more in our imaginations than we do in reality. There are a lot of stepping stones from that. Um, so with that, I'll say ever Forward radio is my podcast.

Speaker 1:You can find me anywhere you enjoy podcasts, um, ever forward radio.com, uh, apple, Spotify, Google, all that jazz. Um, and if I'm not podcasting, I'm Instagramming. You can find me at Chase underscore tuning. What else say is this? The podcast for me is really kind of the long format way to, to scratch that itch, whatever itch I have at the time. Um, not like a rash, I'm not weird like that, but, you know, um, what is, what I'm curious about or what has added immense value to my life? That is the long format version. And Instagram, really, you're gonna get kind of the day-to-day insights of what I'm trying, what I'm liking. You know, I don't really hold anything back, especially not these last couple years. Um, you know, who I am, what I'm going through, the good, the bad, the ugly, the ups, the downs. And you know, I'm just out here living life. And Sharon, probably too much of it along the way.

Speaker 2:For more information on everything you just heard, make sure to check this episode. Show notes, or head to ever forward radio.com.