It is only through self-awareness can we go 'This test is giving me feedback. What am I doing with that information? Am I being congruent with what is true for me, or am I trying to force myself into something?'

Alexis Artin

This episode is an invitation to redefine your relationship with your body, your spirit, and the very fabric of life as we know it. Guest Alexis Artin helps us ponder the finite nature of our existence juxtaposed against the infinite journey of the soul, uncovering how our bodies communicate with us and guide our purpose. We share the practical philosophy of 'three-foot toss' and 'micro-dosing adversity' as strategies for building resilience, as well as unravel how curiosity and self-compassion pave the way to recognizing our innate value, irrespective of external validation. If you've ever felt lost in the pursuit of wellness amidst the noise of societal expectations, this episode will be your compass back to self.

Follow Alexis @alexis_artin

Follow Chase @chase_chewning


In this episode, you will learn...

(06:46) Navigating Health Challenges and Mental Preparedness

(14:17) Understanding and Reclaiming Personal Wellness

(24:03) Finite and Infinite Existence Concept

(33:36) Achieving Small Wins for Long-Term Success

(39:47) The Power of Curiosity and Self-Value

(51:42) Relationship Values and Mind-Heart Connection

(56:16) Reframing Negative Experiences and Shifting Beliefs

(01:06:55) Grief, Stoicism, and Self-Love

(01:18:43) Discovering Soul Sway Practice


Episode resources:

EFR 775: Mind-Body Practices and Trusted Frameworks for Ultimate Personal Transformation with Alexis Artin

This episode is an invitation to redefine your relationship with your body, your spirit, and the very fabric of life as we know it. Guest Alexis Artin helps us ponder the finite nature of our existence juxtaposed against the infinite journey of the soul, uncovering how our bodies communicate with us and guide our purpose. We share the practical philosophy of 'three-foot toss' and 'micro-dosing adversity' as strategies for building resilience, as well as unravel how curiosity and self-compassion pave the way to recognizing our innate value, irrespective of external validation. If you've ever felt lost in the pursuit of wellness amidst the noise of societal expectations, this episode will be your compass back to self.

Follow Alexis @alexis_artin

Follow Chase @chase_chewning


In this episode, you will learn...

(06:46) Navigating Health Challenges and Mental Preparedness

(14:17) Understanding and Reclaiming Personal Wellness

(24:03) Finite and Infinite Existence Concept

(33:36) Achieving Small Wins for Long-Term Success

(39:47) The Power of Curiosity and Self-Value

(51:42) Relationship Values and Mind-Heart Connection

(56:16) Reframing Negative Experiences and Shifting Beliefs

(01:06:55) Grief, Stoicism, and Self-Love

(01:18:43) Discovering Soul Sway Practice


Episode resources:


00:00 - Speaker 1 The following is an operation podcast production.

00:03 - Speaker 2 If this had happened to me 20 years ago and you talked to anybody who knew me back then, the sky would have been falling and I would have dragged everybody come crashing down with me. Eating healthy or working out was less about me mentally or emotionally bullying my body into something. It was about really deeply listening to my body and letting its intelligence communicate to me what it really needed in any moment, versus me mentally putting into the box. This is what you should be doing. Body I revere the body. I believe that it is the soul's counterpart. You learn these things through trial and error. So great to try on. I'm gonna try this workout or I'm gonna try this diet, but it's only through self-advocacy and self-awareness that you go.

00:56 This testing phase is giving me feedback and it's giving me information. And what am I doing with that information? Am I being congruent with what is true for me and what really works for me, or am I trying to hijack and force myself into something that I think should work for me, or I want to work for me but in actuality it doesn't? Hi, this is Alexis Arton. I am a licensed growth coach and master embodiment teacher, and I'm here on Ever Forward Radio.

01:26 - Speaker 1 You guys recall just a few episodes ago when I had renowned holistic plastic surgeon Dr Anthony Yoon on the show talking to us about the power of collagen and how he said if we put it on topically, it's basically just an overpriced moisturizer. We're not getting all the amazing benefits of collagen unless we are ingesting it. It has to go inside the body to work its wonders. But here's the thing. A lot of other brands sourcing collagen are gonna be getting it from numerous sources but, unlike today's sponsor, bubz, all of their collagen protein comes from the same place. They come from happy cows that are raised on farms in Uruguay and Southern Brazil. This helps Bubz make the smallest environmental footprint possible. Why collagen? Well, why not? That's what I say. In fact, collagen is the most abundant protein in our bodies but just by aging and diet it is just gonna decrease, say after day after day. But by using Bubz collagen you're gonna be supporting your body and enhances overall wellness from the inside out. I have been putting Bubz collagen peptides in my water, in my coffee, in my smoothies for years now. There is nothing like Bubz that I have found that mixes so discreetly in water. I can add it to my water. You're never gonna taste it, you're never gonna see it. It's incredible. What are you gonna notice? Well, you're probably gonna see better hair, skin, nails, improved joint health. For me, I really have noticed a significant decrease in recovery time from the gyms. I found that I can just get back up on the horse and go again and have so much more fluidity in my movement, especially at the joint level. For me, it's a no-brainer. Bubz Naturals Unflavored Collagen Peptides. These are hydrolyzed, grass-fed, pasture-raised peptides. You're getting 20 grams of collagen per serving, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, gmo-free, corn-free. Nothing but the best goes into Bubz Naturals. They've got tubs for at home, convenient travel packets for when you're on the go, and with our exclusive code you can save some mad money. As always, this is linked for you down in the show notes under episode resources, but simply head to bubsnaturalscom that's B-U-B-S-N-A-T-U-R-A-L-Scom. Scoop up your collagen peptides. Throw down code ever forward at checkout to save 20%. This is your number one source for inspiring content from people who are putting a purpose to their passion and truly living a life ever forward.

03:47 I am your host, chase Tuning. This is Ever Forward Radio. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you so much for tuning in with me here today. How's your January going.

04:06 We are wrapping up, hard to Believe, the first month of the new year. Where are you? How are you feeling? How's your heart? How's your head? Are you staying in pursuit of your goals that you probably set out to achieve at the beginning of the year? If not, it's okay, and if so, congratulations. I'm so proud of you.

04:23 No matter what, let this be your pat on the back or let this be your gentle reminder just to keep going or to pick back up where you left off. It's all about moving forward here today, and that's exactly what my guest, alexis Arden, is gonna help us realize. Because, man, I don't think I've ever had a guest quite like this, to come on the show and to deliver such profound wisdom and experience and expertise while actively navigating. One of life's biggest stressors concerns her own health. As we sat down, alexis was just getting done with chemotherapy, navigating cancer, and you're not gonna be able to hear it in her voice. You're not gonna be able to see it in the video, which I have linked for you down on the show notes as well. You can find us on YouTube, just search EverFordRadio. She is using this as fuel. She is using this as a way to become even more empowered to help you, to help herself as well. Continue through this what she calls somatic science and her trusted mind-body framework, she's gonna be helping us understand what are probably some of the biggest things holding us back right now from not just living the life we deserve, but being able to maintain it, to keep it up. I would really encourage you to check out more of what Alexis has to offer, and, in fact, her new show is live. Make sure to check out Look at Me Now, the podcast with Alexis Arton, and if you find even an ounce of education, of entertainment, of value in my conversation with her here today, I promise you you're gonna get that and so much more In her new show. Look at Me Now. So proud to be a part of this one and help bring this to life through Operation Podcast, I'm gonna have this show linked for you down on the show notes. You can find it on Apple Spotify, anywhere you listen or enjoy podcasts, or make sure to check out her website, alexisartoncom.

06:15 Welcome to the show, everybody. Thank you so much again for tuning in. If you haven't done so, just tapping that subscribe button, that follow button, on whichever podcast platform you are tuning in on here today. It would mean the world to me Seriously. Thank you, it really does help the show grow. It helps others live a life ever forward by getting promoted and recommended on those platforms. Our growth means your growth. The more that ever forward radio can grow, the more that we can bring on even more amazing guests like my one today.

06:42 Alexisarton, welcome to the show. You are such a unique guest in a lot of different ways because you are here today quite literally beyond any other way that I'm aware of a lot of my other recent guests. You're fighting for your health. You have unique health battles. We'll say that you are enduring and you are dominating. You continue to blow me away every time that I see you. With just this up here, your mind is steering a ship that is going through some rough waters and as much as you want to talk about, can you just unpack that for us? How are you able to keep such a strong mindset when your physical health is something that is such a big challenge right now?

07:25 - Speaker 2 Great question and one that I get a lot. So for anybody listening that has no clue who I am and what health ailments you speak of, I just was diagnosed with. Well, at first they diagnosed it as endometrial cancer and then they changed the diagnosis to cervical cancer and now it's sort of a ping-pong ball match between those two things and the diagnosis isn't finalized. But as a result of the diagnosis I had to have a radical full hysterectomy and then go into chemo and radiation treatments, which I just completed my final treatment.

08:14 - Speaker 1 Thank you.

08:16 - Speaker 2 And yeah, people have marveled I guess the word is at how I have been able to seemingly be so strong. And so, quote, unquote normal People say you don't look like you're going through cancer, and I really. It's a testament to if you do the work, it works. And what I mean by that is I practice what I preach, and that is not to say that I am Buddha on a mountaintop in Mujir pose all day going. This is perfect and I feel wonderful about all the gifts of this.

08:53 - Speaker 1 Maybe sometimes I'm sure you gotta practice like that. You know it ebbs and flows.

08:57 - Speaker 2 It ebbs and flows, like everything in life, but I will say that if this had happened to me 20 years ago and you talked to anybody who knew me back then, the sky would have been falling and I would have dragged everybody come crashing down with me and it's a testament to that. I have had so much therapy, I've had so much coaching, I have done so much embodiment work, I have gotten so many licensures, I have gone to all these retreats and workshops and studied with all these experts and it is a testament to that there is neuroplasticity and that you really can change your brain, you can change your being, that you can cellularly turn over completely and become somebody that you didn't think was possible to be and that you probably wouldn't recognize or even believe you could become, if you commit to doing the work day in and day out.

10:05 - Speaker 1 No, I'm not saying this isn't in there, but the majority of what I heard was you were working on mental dare I even say emotional and spiritual aspects of your total wellbeing, not as much physical, I think someone might expect to hear. How was she so prepared to battle cancer? How is she battling cancer? What are you doing to take care of your physical health? What does your diet look like? What does your exercise look like? What does your rest look like? I heard majority of that. You had prepared mind, soul, body and maybe in that kind of hierarchy order to handle, I mean, one of the things I think most people fear they are ever gonna hear from their doctor Do you think being so prepared mentally, emotionally, spiritually, makes us collectively more prepared for physical hardships?

11:07 - Speaker 2 I think that there is a synchronicity, a synergy between all of it. I think that, first of all, if I wasn't so mentally strong, emotionally attuned and intelligent that my body would have been as communicative with me to tell me that there was a problem and I wouldn't have responded as quickly and as lovingly as I did to the communication my body was giving me. I think they all go hand in hand. I don't think you can separate one from the other. My body had a very heavy lift in trying to not only alert me but to help me heal. My mental, emotional, spiritual job was to support my body in that process.

12:05 Eating healthy or working out was less about me mentally or emotionally bullying my body into something. It was about really deeply listening to my body and letting its intelligence communicate to me what it really needed at any moment, versus me mentally putting it in a box. This is what you should be doing. Body. I revere the body. I believe that it is the soul's counterpart and that they really are designed like a yin and a yang to work synergistically for me to have the most fulfilled existence in this body this time around.

12:48 - Speaker 1 I'm very excited to dive deeper into those modalities with you and your somatic work that you do. You just sparked this idea in me of how many times, when we're sick let's say a poor health diagnosis, or just under the weather, or we finally decide you know what damn it, I'm taking charge of my health we force feed, maybe even quite literally we force feed our bodies into an ideal, an idea even of health that we think that it needs. We think that's what we want, therefore, it's what our body needs, and we are just cramming all of the things. I'm going to work out my ass off every day. I'm going to go to the top of the mountain top for all the spiritual retreats. I'm going to put myself into all of these buckets, into these frameworks of what I see other people doing, not to knock any of that, but you know what that's them, that's what their journey holds for them.

13:49 There's no real question here. But it just kind of makes me think about, even in my own wellness journey, of how many times was I force feeding health to my physical self? That maybe did some benefit in the beginning, but it wasn't for me. And also I was doing it because I was lassoing that ideal of somebody else's health standard to my body. Therefore, how long did that really last?

14:17 - Speaker 2 Well, I call it hijacking. What?

14:19 - Speaker 1 you're talking about?

14:22 - Speaker 2 What are you force feeding your body? A diet of somebody else's beliefs?

14:27 - Speaker 1 We came in all the regress down the hatch you want, but if it's for someone else's reason, and look, it's trial and error.

14:35 - Speaker 2 I mean, you know, from the day that we get here, we're not downloaded with all the details of what diet is best for our body, right, it's trial and error. You eat something and you go oh, I'm having an allergic reaction to that. Or you eat something and you're like, wow, that naturally really energized me and I digested it really well and that was really satiating and fulfilling. Yeah, that's a yes for me. Moving forward, you learn these things through trial and error, so you know, great to try on. I'm going to try this workout or I'm going to try this diet. But you know, it's only through self-advocacy and self-awareness that you go. This testing phase is giving me feedback and it's giving me information. And what am I doing with that information? Am I being congruent with what is true for me and what really works for me? Or am I trying to hijack and force myself into something that I think should work for me, or I want to work for me but in actuality it doesn't?

15:38 - Speaker 1 Is this hijacking of our body's, hijacking of this ideal wellness state? Do you think this is the thing, this lack of understanding around that? Is this the thing holding people back from really embodying, creating, living, keeping the life of their dreams? What do you think is the biggest?

15:58 - Speaker 2 Absolutely Well. I mean, the biggest way that we hijack is we hijack other people's values. Like, everything in life is about values, if you really break it down. What drives me? Why am I here? What is my purpose, what is my mission? My path, my telos, whatever you want to call it right and we I'm going to sort of like go on a little detour here, but it's like we're born and we are these, really innocent, really vulnerable, really dependent, co-regulated little creatures that are defenseless and don't have the ability to self-care and self-nurture and make you know the important decisions about what is going to help us survive, let alone thrive, in our environment, right? So how do you know what your name is?

16:53 - Speaker 1 It's what my household called me what my family called me.

16:56 - Speaker 2 Somebody told you who you were. You didn't make that decision for yourself. Going back again and revisiting this idea of you, know infancy and childhood. You know how do we know the sun is the sun and how do I know that? You know that's coffee and not water.

17:12 Somebody tells you and you take it on and you internalize it, you go okay, then that's from now on that's my truth, right, and so often you know there are like the really simple and really easily digestible truths of that is the sun, or the earth is round, or I know there's flat earthers, but what do you mean? The earth is round. You know things like that are one plus one equals two. But there are other truths that we squeeze ourselves into that are very uncomfortable and not our truth. But in order for us to not only survive but thrive and be loved and celebrated by our family and our community and our religion and our God and whatever else we're told to believe, you know we lose our congruence and we lose our ability to self advocate because we succumb to the hijacked beliefs that we've taken on.

18:11 - Speaker 1 And you have a unique approach and we kind of already hit on it a little bit earlier of helping people understand what is truth, what am I feeling, what is the science of the world and what is the feeling and emotional state of the world. You help others through what's called a quote, somatic science and trusted mind body frameworks. What is this approach and why is it so helpful?

18:35 - Speaker 2 Well, we are I'm sure you've heard this phrase before like spiritual beings having a human experience right, and we have to account for both equally, and so often we don't. First of all, we live in a really disembodied society or culture. What do you mean by that? I mean so many of us live above the neck right. It sort of goes back to that idea of, like my mind bullying my body into something rather than partnering with my body right so many of us are like yes, so many of us lead with.

19:18 I want things to be fast. I want instant gratification, right. You know, it used to be like let's go out into the fields. Now it's let's get on our laptops, right. It's zoom calls, where our full bodies are missing from them. It is I'm not going to like use my body and have a full cooking sensual experience. I'm going to go to fast food and I'm just going to shove it in while I'm watching Netflix.

19:43 - Speaker 1 You know bring it to my doorstep? I don't have to go off the couch and grab it.

19:46 - Speaker 2 Exactly, I have a remote control. I'm not going to get up and go, change the channel. Right, I am going to be on an electric treadmill rather than be out in nature. Really like moving and exploring and having a full sensual experience of the fresh air and seeing the beautiful trees, you know, instead of watching a screen, and I'm on this electronic, you know, hamster wheel. So there are just so many ways in which we truly disembodied and even if it's the things of like, you know the apologies that our body holds right.

20:21 Our body makes a, you know, releases gas. Oh, I'm so sorry, excuse me. Right, god forbid, my body has something to say. Right, We've shamed it, we've quieted it.

20:33 - Speaker 1 It's not like I consciously chose to stink up the room Right or my stomach growls or you know I cough I burp, I sneeze, I yawn, you know whatever it is.

20:45 - Speaker 2 And then you get into the world of female empowerment and you talk about, you know women, who you know. Good girls don't walk like that, they don't talk like that, they don't dress like that, like there's there's so much apology in the body. Right, it's this idea of our bodies are like animals. Okay, we're all animals and the part of us that is animalistic, the human aspect of us that's animalistic, is living in a very black and white, very instinctual, impulsive, monkey, mind, amygdala, response place of. I have got to move towards safety and away from threat. I've got to get closer to what I want and away from what I don't want. I also, as I get closer to what I want, I don't want to lose it and as I get closer to what I don't want, right.

21:37 - Speaker 1 Like I don't want to gain it, I ruffle some feathers. I irritate somebody, I cause.

21:41 - Speaker 2 So the I'm sorry is your animal instinct to go. I'm going to say I'm sorry because I don't want to invite a threat and I want to make sure that I am calming down any threat that may have been invited by whatever I just did.

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22:28 Not wearing my compression socks it's one of those things that until you're on a plane with them, you don't realize actually how bad you felt without them. You ever feel scour me, restless leg syndrome, maybe just feeling low energy, need to constantly get up, maybe you get swelling in your feet or legs. None of that with comrade compression socks. Seriously, if I'm at my desk, traveling in the car, no matter what, for more than a couple hours, you're going to catch me rocking comrade socks. I feel so great. My energy levels are maintained and, honestly, really does help reduce my recovery time, maybe after a lower body leg workout. It just keeps the blood flowing, keeps the nutrients and oxygen circulating. None of that swelling or blood pooling happens Not up in here.

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23:36 - Speaker 2 And when I say, you know, we're spiritual beings having a human experience, our body is like an animal, right In that? And this is sort of leads into something I think we were going to talk about called the soul body paradox. But I'm just going to bring it up here, which is a theory that I came up with about the distinction of that. Our body and our soul are complementary opposites. So our body is like an animal. Okay, Our body is.

24:03 It's finite meaning. It has a very clear beginning and a very clear end in terms of longevity, right, we're born and we die, and it also has a very clear beginning and an end in that, like my, you know, my organs are inside of my skin and where my skin stops is where I stopped taking up space in the world physically. Right, there is that very clear threat nature of being in a human body. Right, it's that black or white thing that I was just talking about. It's predator and prey, it is good and evil it is. I've got to stay safe and I've got to stay away from threat because I am finite. I have a very clear beginning and a very clear end in my job is to protect that.

24:47 - Speaker 1 I would like that end to be later than today. Correct, correct.

24:52 - Speaker 2 And because of that, like very black or white positioning. That means that I live in uncertainty. In my body, I'm constantly in a state of uncertainty, and so I'm negotiating that all the time, whereas my soul, or my spirit, is made of light. A lot of scientists believe that. I believe that, and if you know anything about light, it's energy, and one of the first things we learned about energy is that it's neither created nor destroyed. It just changes form, right, which means it is infinite. It has no beginning and it has no end. It just continues to evolve and to change form.

25:28 - Speaker 1 Think about that for a second, and then just the concept of infinite existence lives inside of us. Let that sink in for a second.

25:39 - Speaker 2 And because it's infinite. It's certain. Our body is uncertain, but our soul is certain. It doesn't even understand the concept of fear. There is no threat at that level. Right, there is only certainty, there is only trust, there is only love and connectedness to all. That is because it's energy, and all of energy is connected and reforming and reshaping all the time. Right, and it is in its infiniteness, right, it is not separate, right. That's like the idea of the connectedness is. It's not confined, it's not limited, the way we are in our physical bodies. So you can see that every single aspect of our body and our soul are designed to be complementary opposites, and our body is actually our soul's number one feedback system. Our body is there, giving us signals all the time, telling us are we living congruent with our soul's purpose? Why are we here? Why were we given the gift of this body? To have an embodied experience. Yet we're escaping our bodies all the time.

26:53 - Speaker 1 Yes.

26:54 - Speaker 2 Like we were just talking about before. So there is. You can see how this all sort of weaves together into this tapestry of wow. There's so much imbalance. That's happening Like we're in our brains. We're not in our bodies, right, but our bodies are designed to be our soul's counterpart. But so often we're negotiating with our own fear which, like, takes precedence over everything that we're living in uncertainty all the time and we're not tapping the certainty that's always available to us.

27:22 - Speaker 1 Do you think people, do you think most people know that to be true, believe it to be true and just, for whatever reason, don't tap into that. Or do most people not even think that that is a possibility?

27:36 - Speaker 2 Well, I think it's both right. I think, again, we've hijacked beliefs. So do you believe that these things are woo-woo? Do you believe that these things are scientifically true? Do you believe that these things are possible for you? There's so much that we've downloaded and programmed ourselves to believe that we become those things. We create that reality based on those beliefs. But if you are somebody that believes it to be true and believes that it's possible and all of those things, then it's really about sort of what I was saying.

28:14 20 years ago I was a completely different person. I would have responded to a life-threatening illness very differently than I do now, because I was so out of balance with my spirituality and my humanity. I was so in my human experience and I was so disconnected from my spiritual self that once I reconnected more with the spiritual side of me, I was able to bring it more into balance. And so the sky is falling, threat is upon us. The scale wasn't so tipped that it outweighed me actually embodying the spirituality that I have equally to say wait a second. There is a high divine order in this. There is a design to this. I can equally see the gifts in this as I can the challenges, and I'm not looking at the challenges as in the way as much as now. I'm looking at them as on the way.

29:13 - Speaker 1 Oh yeah, love that, love that. I wanna unpack belief a little bit more with you. I forget where I heard it, but recently I think I was listening to an interview or something on social media and this gentleman was describing why he tries to move more away from hope and into belief. What is the difference between hope and belief? Because I think a lot of us might be using those words interchangeably, or a lot of us are living in hope. I'm hopeful that my body will heal. I'm hopeful that I will have this amazing life. I'm hopeful this, hopeful that, but that won't get us to where we want. That won't help us move forward really until we get into belief.

29:51 Would you agree? What is the difference between hope and belief there?

29:55 - Speaker 2 Well, belief is like a mechanism right, it's a. I am committing myself to holding onto a truth or a filter or a reality that I am going to move through my life with and I'm gonna negotiate my life with, step by step, by step. Right, I'm gonna calibrate everything that I experienced and all the actions that I take with am I being congruent to that belief? And I'm gonna see if that serves me right, Whereas hope I'm gonna be able to move forward and I'm gonna be, able to move forward, whereas hope is and I'm not poo-pooing hope.

30:36 Hope is wonderful and beautiful, but hope is something that can kind of shit on your current reality, right, because you're going well, I hope something better is coming, which means that you're comparing a fantasy of a future to what you think isn't as great in the present. And who?

30:59 - Speaker 1 wants to keep living in comparison. That's just an endless cycle. Right, it's gotta be.

31:03 - Speaker 2 Endless cycle right, rather than being 100% grateful for what is, in this moment, equal light to shadow, because you're never gonna have a one-sided existence or a one-sided experience. Everything has equal light to shadow. People want a one-sided world. They want all the benefits without the drawbacks.

31:24 You can't have a one-sided magnet. It doesn't exist, right. Like particle to antiparticle we are. Everything in life, from like the smallest cell to the ebb and flow of a tsunami, is equally calibrated. Like, literally, what goes up must come down equal distance. Everything in life is calibrated to a degree of equal measure, right, and so we all want this one-sided thing where it's like, you know, it's all good and no bad, right. Right, as if you could call anything good or bad versus what it just is. But when you realize and you really clearly see and identify, there's this much light and there's this much shadow and they completely equilibrate and they neutralize one another. There's no charge left as negative or positive charges. There is just neutrality, there is homeostasis, there's gratitude, and gratitude is love, it's just appreciating what is, not comparing it to a better or a worse past, present or future. It's just what is, and being grateful because the present is a gift with its light and its shadow.

32:34 - Speaker 1 How many of us needed to hear that. Becoming, more present kind of sounds a little counterintuitive to the whole theme of the show and how I live my life of moving ever forward. But the last few years, becoming more present, more still, or even tapping into a high level of presence while my life is progressing, while I'm in pursuit of my goals and aspirations, or life is just kind of pulling me along for the ride, the more I am present, throughout all of that I have learned how to next best move forward. I really feel like I take the power back of my life.

33:12 - Speaker 2 Well, what's so great about what you're saying and about the idea of ever forward is ever forward becomes more fulfilling the more present you are.

33:21 - Speaker 1 You just said it way better. That's exactly what I was going for.

33:24 - Speaker 2 It's like my coach. I have so many coaches, but my coach, barb Wade, shout out. She has this idea of three foot tosses. Right, and a three foot toss is she would do this event on stages. She would do this on stages at her events.

33:48 - Speaker 1 That's what.

33:49 - Speaker 2 I meant to say I'm ever forward in my brain right now.

33:52 - Speaker 1 Come back here. Come back here.

33:54 - Speaker 2 Where she would put up like those like you're gonna do a ring toss game, right? And she would put one at like a foot. She would put another one at like five feet, another one at 10 feet, another one at 15, 20 feet. She would have people come up and she would give them a certain equal amount of rings. You get three, you get three, you get three, whatever. And she's okay, everybody toss, rack up as many points as you can. Whoever gets the most points is the winner, right? And so everybody would get up there and they'd go for the 20 or they'd go for the five, or they'd do whatever they can to negotiate for themselves. How am I gonna achieve the most points, right? How am I gonna beat everybody and get the big prize? Right? And after everybody was done, she would go up and she would grab the rings and she would just lean over and go like three feet, three feet, three feet. She won every time. Wow, wow, she's like take.

34:45 - Speaker 1 So people were just missing what was in front of them, the whole time, exactly Like there is an easy win.

34:52 - Speaker 2 You just bend a little bit forward, you don't have to go for 20, because you're gonna miss nine times out of 10. And then you're gonna feel defeated and then you're gonna beat yourself up and then you're gonna lose the momentum and the self-advocacy and the self-appreciation, right, and like those little wins that add up. Because if you go three, three, three, three, look back and you've gone a mile, right. But if you look at a mile from the starting line and you've never run a distance like that, it's gonna be really intimidating to you and you might back out.

35:24 So what's your next three-foot toss and how do you take that three-foot toss from a place of? This is the next best indicated action. That is congruent with what I really truly believe. Now, what I've hijacked, that is really gonna move me in the direction of what I value, because once I achieve that little goal in the direction that I most desire to go, I'm gonna be fulfilled, I'm gonna be motivated, I'm gonna be rewarded and I'm gonna keep going and those little wins are gonna add up and then at the end of my life, on my deathbed, I'm gonna look back and go. That was a life well lived.

35:59 - Speaker 1 It reminds me of this concept. I learned years ago that sometimes we are succeeding so slowly it feels like failure. Who wants to really every day relish in the fact that go? Oh man, I had this three-foot win today. I just barely kind of reached over and I had a win. I accomplished this thing I set out to do. Now you take that day after day after day, like you're saying, and you add all that up. Man, what an achievement. And it makes me kind of go back to my old health coaching days of people want all the weight loss overnight, they want all the muscle gains overnight, but the body that you are presenting with today, that you are looking to change for whatever- For a lifetime.

36:45 You didn't just walk into my office, you didn't just show up. You didn't wake up one day and go man like overnight, all of a sudden, like I lost all my strength, I lost all my muscle mass, so I gained all this weight. But yet we want the change as quickly as possible. But when we have one pound of weight loss a week, two pounds of weight loss a week, over time, you're learning how to maintain that.

37:07 - Speaker 2 You're learning what your body likes and doesn't like Absolutely, and there's a hurdle of creating change and habituating something right. It's like I don't work out once and feel like I've achieved absolute strength and fitness and wellness and health. I have to. That's an everyday thing for the rest of my life.

37:29 - Speaker 1 You don't have one hard conversation with your significant other and completely save your relationship. Maybe, maybe. But just to get out of, like the general health and fitness concept here, I want people to kind of think big picture holistically in their life. It's you need to have these kind of little shout out. Greg Anderson, a friend, another podcaster, you need to have. You need to micro dose adversity. You need to micro dose adversity every day and maybe pick one area that you're battling or that you're challenging yourself with, or even just in every area, in every situation, in the gym, in conversation with your parents, with your family, with your business partner, with your spouse. Just how can I micro dose adversity? How can I get that three foot win like you're talking about, so that I can learn how to keep doing that and have everything kind of rise up with me?

38:15 - Speaker 2 Well, it's funny because, as you're talking about this, I'm flashing to my nightly ritual with my. I have two kids. I have a nine year old and a five year old what does?

38:23 this look like. I mean, it looks like me learning to parent every day Because I'm re-parenting my own inner child, so there's so much to glean from all of it. But if you sit down with my kids, you would learn so much when we ask our nightly questions of what are you grateful for today? What did you learn today? What did you achieve today?

38:55 What challenges did you overcome today? What are you proud of yourself for? So these are the type of questions that we ask nightly at the dinner table, revisiting the day and, as a mom and someone who loves these kids unconditionally, as a parent, can the tiniest win makes me wanna get up with my pom-poms and like kick my legs in the air and just go like I'm so proud of you, to hear like how he overcame the littlest adversity or the littlest challenge, or what he learned that day or what he's proud of himself for. I wrote my name and I didn't make any mistakes, like you know or I wrote my name and I did make a mistake and I, but I was proud of myself, whatever it was right.

39:47 - Speaker 1 Don't learn how to navigate that.

39:48 - Speaker 2 Why can't we support ourselves the way we support our kids? Like, why isn't that three foot toss everything where you wanna get out your pom-poms for yourself and go, yes, what a win. Or wow, that was really hard for me, but I handled it, you know, the best that I could to the best that I could and gosh, I'm really proud of myself for how I showed up, whether that, by anybody else's definition, was a win or a loss, like I am just proud of myself for showing up and getting through it and doing the best that I could. Why isn't that not just enough, but why isn't that everything?

40:24 - Speaker 1 Why isn't that our norm? Why can't we want to work towards that being our norm and why can't we recognize how powerful that could be? It seems so trivial and mundane and meaningless service level, but again, that stacked up every day.

40:39 - Speaker 2 Exactly, and that's exactly why it's not our instinct to get up on that stage and just go for the threes. That we're like I gotta go for the 20. I've gotta go for the big win. I'm a failure if I don't have the most points. It's like again going back to it's not a competition, it is not a race, it is not about comparison.

41:01 You know, something that I talk to my clients a lot about is this idea of part of the human aspect of us is we wanna measure everything because we get our value. We determine our value from that. Right. It's a dick measuring contest, you know? Oh, is she 36, 24, 36? How much are you weighing on the scale? Let's do your weigh in. How much money you know? How many decimal points and zeros do you have in the bank? How many followers do you have? Everything is a measurement, right.

41:32 And we are mistaking our immeasurable from a sole perspective value. It cannot be measured, it doesn't increase and decrease on a daily market. Our value is infinite, it's immeasurable and it doesn't change, right. But we get so into the human aspect of measuring that we lose and we get so out of balance and so incongruent with how valuable we are that we allow, we bully ourselves, we allow other people to bully us, we start hijacking what our value is from other people or what we need to do to be valued. I mean, it's rampant, and so I really believe that there needs to be a movement of remembering how powerful we are, and a big piece of that is embodying, from a spiritual perspective, that our value doesn't increase or decrease based on anything external. It can't be outsourced.

42:29 - Speaker 1 That's what it's all about. That's why you're here. Thank you so much for that. There's a unique aspect you talk about in the somatic science and your mind-body framework as well. That really caught my attention because I think right now many of us are losing it. We don't think that it's valuable at all, or as much as it used to be. I'm talking about curiosity and creativity. What roles do curiosity and creativity play in, we'll say, personal development, in this moving forward aspect of life?

43:01 - Speaker 2 Well, I mean, are you fixed or are you dynamic? If you're fixed, you're not gonna grow, whereas if you're curious, you're dynamic. And curiosity and creativity go hand in hand, because curiosity is about what else and creativity is allowing yourself to expand on the idea of what else. So what else means I'm open to possibility. Creativity is I am gonna take that possibility and I'm gonna put it into action and run with whatever, and creativity about what all those possibilities could be would be are so are you saying, in order to tap into our creativity, to be a more creative person, to creatively grow, in first need curiosity.

44:02 Absolutely, it's the prerequisite. So maybe can I counter that by saying if someone is feeling I'm creatively stifled or I'm not a creative person.

44:12 - Speaker 1 Would you maybe recommend them to lean into curiosity, absolutely curiosity.

44:19 - Speaker 2 Well, for instance, I have a friend who came up with she was a writer and she would hit writer's block all the time, and so she created something called the creative box. I mean, you could buy it on Amazon. It's a wooden box. Oh, it's a tangible thing.

44:30 - Speaker 1 It's a tangible thing.

44:32 - Speaker 2 And inside of it are all of these cards, like a deck of cards, right, but the deck of cards has all these different questions and prompts, right? And what it is is to get you out of a fixed mindset and into a curiosity possibility mindset, to open you up so that you're not in this. I am stuck, I am blocked, I am challenged, I can't be creative in this moment. It is the portal to unlocking the flow of creativity, because you're getting curious about the question of prompt being presented to you. So that's like an example.

45:07 - Speaker 1 And what a great way also to unattach yourself to an identity that doesn't serve you, because in that writer's block or in that woe is me state or I can't push forward in this task before me, we probably begin to attach identity like, oh, I'm washed up, I'm not good enough, I'm not going to be as good as the next person, and it's way less about who we are as our ability to question what is before us.

45:37 - Speaker 2 Absolutely, and curiosity is such a gift, especially in relationship with other people. So often people come to me with communication issues with a boss or a partner or a family member. What have you and it really a lot of times, not all the time, but a lot of times comes down to? Are you having, lovingly, curious conversations, having lovingly curious conversations.

46:08 - Speaker 1 So rather than going into the conversation, assuming you already know something.

46:15 - Speaker 2 Right, creating a story or filling in a narrative that is yours and not the other person's right, Because you never really know what somebody else is thinking or feeling. You can have a sense of what that is. You can be maybe collecting bits and pieces of actions they've taken or statements they've made or energy.

46:37 - Speaker 1 They're giving out Right, absolutely Right.

46:41 - Speaker 2 So we have our own filters, right. Our sensory perceptions this is somatic science, right? Our sensory perceptions will gather information and then go into our mind matrix, which is all these programmed filters that we have, or algorithms to your point, and then it will create, through that filter, through that programming, our reality. It doesn't mean it's reality, right? And so the only way to break through that algorithm right, to get past that filtering of this is my certainty, but it might not be yours is through loving curiosity. And I say loving because sometimes curiosity can still be accusatory, it can still be loaded with agenda.

47:25 - Speaker 1 What does that look like also?

47:26 - Speaker 2 Well, it could be. I know that you were somewhere last night and I want to know where. Right.

47:34 - Speaker 1 There's a little bit of curiosity in there somewhere.

47:36 - Speaker 2 I want to know where. Tell me where, right, I'm curious. I want to know where you were.

47:40 - Speaker 1 A lot of assumption, a lot of hostility A lot of assumption a lot of hostility loaded with agenda on my part, right Versus.

47:50 - Speaker 2 Hey, I really I missed you last night. I was having a little bit of anxiety. I didn't know where you were, just like from a place of totally loving curiosity. Would you be willing or wanting to tell me what you were up to?

48:04 - Speaker 1 Also, I want to highlight what you just well, several things you did there, such a reframe, but also when we say the things out loud, when we say the words, that are the descriptors of the feeling, of the intent, of the emotion that we want to get to. Maybe we're not there yet, we can't really attach ourselves onto that. Maybe we have some hostility, maybe we have some preconceived notions. How much more powerful, how much more is our demeanor going to change into a more loving state, to be less threatening, by just saying the words. Saying it automatically kind of puts us into that state of being right, or at least puts us on the start.

48:44 - Speaker 2 Well, it's also about ownership, right, and it's about authenticity. So the truth is, the reason you're angry is because you feel threatened, is because you feel hurt, is because you feel worried, is because because, because, because right To each person and in each scenario, it'll be different. But it's really coming from a much more tender place because, again, we're co-regulated species. All we want is to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel seen, to feel valued by the person that we're invested in, right. So that anger is actually coming from some place much more tender, if you will. Even if it's fear, even if it's you know, sadness, even if it's you know, whatever it may be right, it's coming from this place of am I safe? Do you love me? Bottom line, do you see me right? Do you care about what I value? That's where it's really coming from and if you're honest with yourself, you can move past the anger into the deeper ask and that's where the loving curiosity can come from.

49:56 - Speaker 1 So what happens when let's say we do that and we come from that place of loving curiosity and we realize that this person is not there with us? How do we go from finding truth through a lovingly curious lens to what's the best way to say this, to really accepting for what is or is not there?

50:23 - Speaker 2 So this is self-advocacy in a nutshell. Okay, it is knowing that all we can manage, all we can be certain of and assured of, is our own thoughts, decisions and actions. That's all we have control over. I can never, ever, ever, hold anybody else accountable to showing up the way that I want them to show up. All I can do is say this is what I'm thinking, this is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm asking, this is the decisions that I am going to make based on how this conversation goes, and whatever happens as a result of that, I am going to take care of myself in whatever way feels the most self-loving, the most self-advocating and has the healthiest boundaries in place. And, whatever happens, I am not going to beat myself up because I did what I needed to do on my side of the street to take care of myself, and anything outside of that is not my responsibility. That is, I have to give them the dignity of their process.

51:39 - Speaker 1 How many of us have been in those conversations. I immediately kind of go towards intimate relationships boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, wife, all this stuff. We think maybe I'm just speaking personally that when we get better at communicating this stuff, when we get better at coming from a place of love and genuine loving curiosity, that that is going to solve the problem in the relationship. That, oh, if I just diminish any ounce of hostility or preconceived notion that we're going to be able to work this out and we're going to have the best relationship we can navigate conflict, it might help you. But what happens kind of just repeating the same question again, but just as a lens in your relationship what happens when you get to that bottom line and you realize, oh, if I got to this conclusion because I was hostile or I got to this conclusion because I was loving, that's not going to change the conclusion, that's not going to change that.

52:38 - Speaker 2 Well, no, but now we're down to the root, and the root is values. So all anybody wants in a relationship is you have a set of core values and I have a set of core values, right, and all I want to know is that you are helping me achieve my core values and I am helping you achieve yours.

52:58 - Speaker 1 That's it.

52:59 - Speaker 2 That's all that actually matters, and it's about drilling down to you and I in our relationship, being on the same page about what are your values and how am I helping you meet them and what are mine and how are you helping me meet them? And if you're not, where are we willing to delegate those things? And having a you know if you will come to Jesus about those things, because there are going to be points of impasse right when, no, I'm not willing to help you meet that value or you're not willing to help me meet this value and this is a non-negotiable for me and if you're not willing to let me delegate that, then this might not work and you need to renegotiate what this relationship is.

53:44 - Speaker 1 Been there. Yeah, who hasn't Been there? Who hasn't who?

53:48 - Speaker 2 hasn't my love.

53:51 - Speaker 1 So we kind of already talked about the soul body paradox, but I do want to highlight one other area of this work that I really love and has the more that I have navigated this territory, the more free I have become from attaching and keeping myself attached to old identities, old belief systems and living daily, speaking of values, living daily in integrity for me, not anybody else. Yes, why do you think the connection between our mind and our heart becomes so disconnected?

54:31 - Speaker 2 I actually don't think that our mind and our heart become disconnected. I think that our mind and our heart cooperate. Our heart takes the lead from our mind. So I believe that our soul and our body are opposites, complementary, and I believe that our mind and our heart are the bridge between the two that either make them congruent or make them incongruent, right Align them or disconnect them, if you will. So, as an example, here's something that I like to do with my clients. It's a great exercise. It's based off of something that Albert Ellis first designed, but it's sort of like this event belief and feeling exercise.

55:18 - Speaker 1 Event belief feeling.

55:19 - Speaker 2 Right. So, in essence, what I have people do is I have them draw on a piece of paper six squares, so it's like you draw two lines breaking out, you know, three columns on the paper and then one line through the center making two rows, exactly, except it has six boxes.

55:43 - Speaker 1 Oh, you're right. Tic-tac-toe, does that Wait?

55:45 - Speaker 2 two three. One two three. No, it's only three, it's six so it's three squares on the top and three squares on the bottom and they're all equal squares, Okay.

55:55 - Speaker 1 I don't math good, so that's all right.

55:57 - Speaker 2 We're creative people, my husband's the math guy, I'm the feelings and language person, but anyway. So you make these squares right and the top squares right. You label the first square event. Second square belief. Third square feeling right. And what I do is I have somebody go to an uncomfortable event. Okay. So an example that I will sometimes use is somebody gets stood up on a blind date. Okay, so I'd have them come up with that you know a book title for the event, right, like the stand up or whatever right, and they write that under event the stand up.

56:38 - Speaker 1 The fuck that guy.

56:39 - Speaker 2 Right, exactly, exactly, or the name of the restaurant, right, or whatever, and that's what goes in the event box. And then what happens is we skip the belief box and we go over to the feeling box next. Okay, and what is she feeling as this is happening? Right, well, there's probably a progression of feelings, right? When she first gets there and he's not there, she's nervous, but she's kind of like nurse sighted, like she's excited but she's nervous, right. And then a little bit of time goes by and now she's feeling a little bit more on the anxious side. A little bit more time goes by and now she's starting to feel embarrassed. She's starting to maybe like rev up into a little bit of panic. Then, you know, more time goes by and now she's like going into full on depression, right. Like like toxic embarrassment, all of these things. A lot of shame is coming up, right. A lot of like regret, things like that, right. So then what I have them do is like back up, right, like let's watch tape here, right? So when you go into the belief column in the middle, right, you go, okay.

58:01 Well, when we rewind that tape and we go to the beginning, when she was like nurse sighted, what was the belief that your mind catapulted you into that feeling with, was it? I'm excited to meet him. What if I like him? What if I don't like him? What if he likes me? What if I don't? What if he's cute? What if he's not cute?

58:20 - Speaker 1 Totally human. He's all gone on the rabbit hole Right, so these are the beliefs.

58:25 - Speaker 2 These are the thoughts that are perpetuating those initial feelings. Then he's not showing up and now you're starting to get worried. I wonder if he saw my photo online ahead of time and maybe he thought I wasn't cute. I wonder if he stuck in traffic. I wonder if he looked at me through the window and he's second guessing it, whatever. Then we start to progress through all these things, right. By the end, it's like it never works out for me. You can't trust men. I'm never going to do this again. I'm never going to open myself up like this again. I always get hurt. This is so embarrassing. Everybody in here is looking at me. The waiter probably thinks this and that, right, I'm going to go home with my tail between my legs and eat a bucket of ice cream and cry myself to sleep. Right Now. Go down to the next three boxes. Okay, event is the same, okay, okay, but the next three boxes are BFF, right, so now we're going into. Belief is the first box, because the event is the same and we're going into. Let's stay there. We're going into the belief, right, which is the first box on the bottom column.

59:46 Now, what I want you to imagine is a couple things First is she gets a phone call. She's about to leave the restaurant. She's completely distraught. She gets a phone call from her friend who was the one setting her up on the date and says oh my God, this guy was so excited to meet you that he was rushing there until I get there ahead of time and get you flowers and do all the things. He had seen your picture. He thinks you're amazing and he was rushing so much he got into a really bad car accident and he's at the hospital.

01:00:21 All of a sudden, all of those beliefs flip around. Oh my God, I'm hopeful. Everything's possible. Maybe it does work out for me. I'm so excited to meet this guy. I feel great about myself, I'm lovable, I'm right, like all the things right.

01:00:37 So, taking it from the perspective of if that had been different. However, for a lot of people, when they do this exercise, something unwanted that has left some yucky feelings has taken place and they didn't get that follow up call. So what I would also suggest here is not to imagine something that didn't happen, that would have felt better, but to think of yourself in that situation, as if you were hearing this story from somebody that you really loved, that you really believed in, right, somebody that you really cared about. And maybe, to make it even easier, you think about it being like this small, innocent, sweet child who you see their spirit crushed and it's like seeing a unicorn get kicked in the face. You're just like no right.

01:01:32 So you want to approach it from that place, right Of like. If, literally, god or the universe, or the collective unconscious, or like the most nurturing mother or whoever were to come to you in that moment and parent you like, what would that being say to you about what had happened, right? So if one of the beliefs was it never works out for me it's like honey. Yes, it does. Remember this time and remember that time and remember that time. Just because there was a snafu here doesn't mean things don't work out for you, right, or you know, I'm trying to think of another one.

01:02:23 - Speaker 1 But what I'm immediately thinking of here is I'm with you, I'm there, like this is a great exercise and definitely is a great place to get to, but I'm thinking about maybe the person listening that is yelling at their speaker going screw you guys, that takes so much work. How am I going to actually, in real time, kind of walk myself off that ledge, not go down that negative thinking spiral? How do we actually get there? Is this a process that like maybe just literally doing this exercise to get us to kind of begin to reframe? Yes, or how do we drop in in the moment when we're being stood up and this pops up? You know, how do we actually, in real time, make these changes and change our circumstance?

01:03:05 - Speaker 2 Great question Awareness is our superpower. Awareness is our superpower.

01:03:12 - Speaker 1 Let me pause it real quick. We're going to wait on trash man. Awareness is our superpower. Yep Wait for it, wait for it. Coffee break. I'd be honest. Really, these mics are great. They hardly pick up a lot of action noise, but something like that's a little. Eh, I know normally Wednesdays in the afternoon when I'm here, it's a lawn maintenance day. There's always like leaf blower, weed whack.

01:03:54 - Speaker 2 No, thank you.

01:03:57 - Speaker 1 I gotta figure out his schedule and just block around it. Okay, we're moving on. Isaac, this is Chase from the past speaking to you in the future. We're picking back up here. Thank you so much. So awareness is a superpower.

01:04:21 - Speaker 2 So awareness is our superpower, and I can't say that enough to people, right? Because it is really down to you. Like nobody can do this for you, nobody can hold you to doing this. You have to commit to doing it, you have to want to do it. My certainty exceeds your doubt that there is always more to the story if you're willing to look for it. If you're stuck in the shadow, look for equal light. It is always there, in equal amounts, but you have to hold yourself accountable to finding it. So, in that moment, what are the benefits? There are already benefits immediately at play.

01:05:01 - Speaker 1 Like what Well, let's keep this example going.

01:05:04 - Speaker 2 Yes, okay. So for that woman, first of all, look at the opportunity that she has to be her own best advocate, right To say to herself wait, it does work out for me, and nobody else defines my value. So this is a moment of reclamation for me. Wow, look at how powerful I am, not to let one person diminish what I believe my value to be. Yes, there you go Right.

01:05:36 Another opportunity in that moment might be you know God, if that person had shown up then I wouldn't have ended up talking to the person who sat down next to me and exchanging phone numbers with her and she became, you know, a dear friend or you know any number of things that could parlay in that moment. I mean, it's hard to know without like a specific person to like peel information out of, but there are so many things right In any given moment that have an infinite and equal number of benefits to drawbacks. In fact, you could go so far into the benefits that you actually start to put the, put the event or the experience up on a pedestal. What originally you had it down in a pit of despair, right, and all of this, by the way, just because I have to credit it is comes from the D Martini method.

01:06:33 What's that which? It's Dr John D Martini. He's been. He developed this method. It will win a Nobel Prize, I guarantee you. He's been doing it for like 40 or 50 years and it is a method that will eliminate any emotional charge when you see something as one sided and it can be, you know, please go look it up. But I mean it addresses anything from, you know, grief and trauma to the of the of the X extremes, all the way to you know, there's a trait about somebody that bothers me and I need to address it.

01:07:08 - Speaker 1 And service level kind of reminds me a little bit of a stoicism, you know, kind of looking as much as possible at the events of life as neutrally as possible. There is no good, there is no bad, everything just is.

01:07:19 - Speaker 2 And then it's up to our reaction, or response Absolutely To attach meaning and value to it, absolutely, but it's also about seeing the higher design that you know. As much as there may be good, there is also equally bad, and when you're able to identify and balance the scales of that, you experience an embodied and enlightened state of gratitude and unconditional love Versus just indifference.

01:07:47 - Speaker 1 Yes, yes, and reminds me of a previous guest we had on the show, dr Benjamin Hardy. He kind of breaks down the psychological time travel aspect of looking at events. There's power and presence. Absolutely there's power in, like we're talking about earlier, being very present, being very mindful of what we have in this moment, to find the gratitude, to find the lesson, to find what we don't want to do, to repeat this situation again, but tapping into the future and going. If we can get there, all right, you know what? I'm being stood up right now. But, man, in a year from now, when I'm with my partner, I'm even more solidified in my personal life. I don't, maybe I'm not even in a place where I want to partner. I'm going to look back on this night and I'm going to laugh or I'm going to go here was the lesson, that was the value.

01:08:31 - Speaker 2 That was, somehow I dodged a bullet that night or whatever. And you know, just to your point about future. So, the bottom three columns the first is belief, right, but it's, it's, it's revisiting each of the beliefs from the top event, right when she started to, you know, say, oh, it never works out for me, and he must have seen my picture. I'm not smart enough. I'm not smart enough, you know, whatever it is going back to each of those things, and from you know again, as if if it were me and this happened to me, right, if my, if my little five year old came to me and said you know, the girl didn't show up to my play date, you know, it must be because I'm not fun, and it must be because I'm not cute, it must be because I'm not funny or whatever.

01:09:13 And I would say, oh, my baby, we're all of those things and more. And her showing up or not has absolutely nothing to do with you and it doesn't. It doesn't to find you. That's about her and it's about her meeting her own needs. But it doesn't mean that you're not a fun, sweet, remarkable kid. And if I'm being honest, we're all fun and not fun.

01:09:34 We're all smart and not smart we're all you know, kind and cruel, we're all greedy, and you know, and generous we're all. We're all equally all of these things. So for us to ever take on, you know, I'm I'm not pretty, I'm ugly. Well, like who's looking, like who's who's measuring who's who makes the decision, like where's the scale that we're measuring this by right? And again it comes back to you've got to insource these things, not outsource these things. And in that moment, you have the opportunity to create whatever you want to create in terms of what you're going to believe and what your reality is. I once worked with this woman named Marissa here and she said you know, your mind is always lying to you, so tell a better lie, you know, and that and that that resonates right.

01:10:28 So the other two columns there are just because you had said future. So there's the new belief and, as a revet, as a result of the new belief, you're going to have a new feeling like oh, now I feel relief and oh, now I feel hopeful, and oh, now I feel grateful and now I feel inspired, or whatever we want to get to from the moment.

01:10:49 - Speaker 1 We hope that we can get there, but you're talking about how to tap into that right then and there. Yes that's the real change.

01:10:56 - Speaker 2 That is, that is, and then the last F is future. So, in the future, this is what I'm going to do now, because of what I've just learned, because of what I've just gained, because of how I've just dynamically changed, because this moment was a gift that provided an opportunity for me to take one of two paths right the path of being fixed or the path of being dynamic, being curious and being creative about what else is possible in this moment for me other than compare and despair.

01:11:28 - Speaker 1 That's so powerful. I love that. I love that. I want to kind of get as we kind of begin to get towards the end. I want to talk about you and the work that you've done. You know, as as a mom, as someone that has coached many people and created so much empowering and impactful content. What is if you could think about it, put your pulse on one thing what would you say is the most important lesson you've learned over your career?

01:11:58 - Speaker 2 To love myself unconditionally Because, like I said, challenges are always going to be on the way, but it's not seeing them as in the way. I used to see myself as the biggest challenge and I used to look at every challenge as this insurmountable obstacle. And at the end of every day, I would always look in the mirror and hold myself responsible in a really punitive way for those challenges or things that didn't work out or ways that I wasn't successful or achieving enough, or you name it.

01:12:47 - Speaker 1 How many of us are doing that?

01:12:50 - Speaker 2 And I'm not. It's not to say that I still don't. I don't want to. I don't want to project myself, as you know, by any means perfect, because I'm not. If I was, I'd probably have hit enlightenment and I'd be dead.

01:13:04 - Speaker 1 I move on. Human experience yeah Right, as long as you're alive here. Uh huh, uh huh.

01:13:10 - Speaker 2 But it's about an understanding and a growing into my value isn't measurable and whatever I have done or not done, I am worthy of love and I can't hold anybody else responsible for being the number one provider of that love. Again, the only person who is going to be with me, from the moment I was born until the day that I die, you know, 365 days a year, 24, seven, all of those things Like there is one person that I will always and only be able to turn to, and that is myself. You know I say to clients all the time I love my husband. I've been married to my husband for 10 years. I've been with him for, you know, 15 years, 16 years, and I believe he's my soulmate.

01:14:10 You know as much as you know any person can be someone's soulmate and I believe that I will love him and he will love me until one of us is no longer here, Hopefully for the rest of our lives. I can't guarantee it. And even if he chooses to love me for the rest of his life, how do I know he's not getting hit by a bus tomorrow? I can't count on his love for the rest of my life to be the place where I get my validation to be the place where I get my support to be the put right, and there is going to be times when I don't make a decision that he's in full support of or advocacy of. I can't always turn to him. Sometimes I can't get him on the phone. He's in a meeting, right, and what if I need love in that moment, Like you know, it really is.

01:14:55 It is something that it's. It is such a little thing and it's the biggest thing in the world. You have to know that the person looking at you in the mirror is your biggest fan. You just have to, and you have to be loving and self advocating and forgiving Not forgiving, because that actually holds judgment in it, but you have to be loving and you have to be self advocating for everything you do and everything you don't do, because if you don't do it, you can't have an expectation of anybody else to do it, and you can't have that expectation anyway, because you never can conduct how somebody else is going to show up in your life. So if you want that, if you want to feel validated and you want to feel love and you want to feel acknowledged and you want to feel all of those things, you've got to turn to the only person that can give it to you all the time, and that's yourself.

01:15:44 - Speaker 1 It reminds me of this thing. I've heard a mutual homie, ruben Rojas, say you know his, his philosophy, his work is, you know, live through love, and he talked a lot about self love, and I think self love is something that many of us wait to get to last in our road of having more love in our life. You know, we need somebody to love us. We need to make sure we're loving all the right people, and I'll ask people who are the three people that you love most in your life? You know, who do you have the most love for? Oh my, my my family member, my spouse, my significant other, my mom. Very, very rarely people actually say themselves and he'll challenge them and he'll go. Why don't you love yourself? What are you in that priority list of people that matter most to you, that you love most, that you choose to show up for in a loving way? If we could get there, I mean, I think well go back to the hijacking idea.

01:16:44 - Speaker 2 We've hijacked that we're not that lovable and we've internalized it and we've embodied it and we self identify that way and it's become how we filter our ideas about ourselves in the world and how we interact with it and it's a it's a life's work.

01:17:03 - Speaker 1 Truly to reprogram that truly, truly, let's say, you're looking back at your life, and from way up high, many, many years for its eye perspective sure. And you could go. You know what I was remembered for this. What would that one thing be?

01:17:22 - Speaker 2 Helping people remember how powerful they are. Okay, so that they. They own it. So that it doesn't own them.

01:17:32 - Speaker 1 Last question, and this has been such a great pleasure. Thank you so much for sitting down with me here today, and anybody that is curious more about you and your work will, of course, have listed down the show notes and video notes for everybody. But specifically, how do you live a life ever forward when you hear those two words ever forward? What does that mean to you here today?

01:17:55 - Speaker 2 I stay as congruent as I can and I just take the next aligned action Once, one step at a time, one, three foot toss at a time, because that's all we really have. Anything beyond that is a fantasy, it's fiction. I can set a goal, but I have to know that with each step that I take, I'm going to get new information and new feedback and I may need to pivot Right. So the only way that we get anywhere in life is one step at a time, and I just want to make sure that each of those steps that I take is self loving, self advocating and congruent with my soul, bodies, mission.

01:18:43 - Speaker 1 Love that one, I would sell everybody. There's never a right or wrong answer. They're all amazing and I appreciate your response here today, alexis. Where can they go to connect with you right here, right now? The?

01:18:54 - Speaker 2 most Alexis art Dot com. It's like Martin, but without the M, and I'm on Instagram and all that stuff that you can get there through the website. And then the other thing that I would say is I have a very unique and innovative movement practice that is currently launching. Call it a soul sway practice, and you can check that out at soul sway practicecom.

01:19:26 - Speaker 1 And would they kind of expect to experience kind of the things we've been talking about, you've been talking about here today in that, or is this so what this actually?

01:19:35 - Speaker 2 does is. I mean a lot of the stuff that we've been talking about. More falls into my coaching practice, but so much of the philosophy like this. This soul sway practice is based on the soul body paradox, but it's a way of us fully embodying, being authentically confident and comfortable in our own skin through a very unique blend of movement, mindfulness, meditation, somatic I mean it is.

01:20:01 It is really densely packed with so much science, but you would never know it to take the classes, and there's a variety of classes and different flavors and colors of the rainbow for people to try on so that they can really let their body be their favorite place to be.